Mine Top
Mimie's Bottom
April 12, 2012
My boys are asleep. Napping since 3 pm. It was a shitty nights for all of us, again.
The boys still haven't slept in their own rooms. I think if I were a little strong willed at the present time in my life, I would lock their bedroom door at night and make them sleep in their beds. But due to the loss of their mother, I have this "one for all and all for one" attitude and allow them leeway that they definitely wouldn’t get under different circumstances.
The boys still haven't slept in their own rooms. I think if I were a little strong willed at the present time in my life, I would lock their bedroom door at night and make them sleep in their beds. But due to the loss of their mother, I have this "one for all and all for one" attitude and allow them leeway that they definitely wouldn’t get under different circumstances.
You’d think I would want to sleep myself. Or clean, watch TV or something but I choose to write here.
I feel a strong bond between my oldest son Nico, because we both experienced the events on that traumatic day his mom died. The father, son, bond is strong with both my boys regardless of the situation of course.When I look at Baby (Christopher) my youngest son, I have an overwhelming feeling of love that rushes over me that can never be replaced.
That statement s true with any parent. I could never choose sides between one child over the other, because the feeling of love that I have inside me has grown into my DNA. Once that gets into the fibers of who you are, there is just no growing out of it.
The love runs so deep for both, I can just feel pain in my body thinking about them getting hurt. There is so much love in my boys, I have little to share with anyone else.
That statement s true with any parent. I could never choose sides between one child over the other, because the feeling of love that I have inside me has grown into my DNA. Once that gets into the fibers of who you are, there is just no growing out of it.
The love runs so deep for both, I can just feel pain in my body thinking about them getting hurt. There is so much love in my boys, I have little to share with anyone else.
I had my wife's tattoo done on my bicep. She decided to get a tattoo just last year in 2011 to represent the loss of our twin daughters in 2006. She loved the sparrow because it meant everlasting love. She had her tattoo on her left wrist. The tattoo spoke to me and I knew if it were somewhere on me, that she would share in all the boys events as they grew older. Because where the boys go, so do I.
I went to a local tattoo shop that I had used before, once in 2006 and 2011. I have two tattoo's on my back. They are the foot prints of our twin girls and on my left shoulder and bicep, I have a Phoenix rising from the ashes of a cemetery. It represents how I over came obstacles in my life when others thought I would fail.
I guess it would only be fitting to get the same tattoo Mimie had in order to preserve her memory. One day when the boys ask about it besides showing them pictures of it they can see it in person. It would be the ultimate tribute for her. I would rather have her here of course.
The position of the tattoo in the center of the inside area of bicep is very tender, very soft. I knew the placement would cause unbearable pain. It can't be any worse then the pain I'm in now.
I guess it would only be fitting to get the same tattoo Mimie had in order to preserve her memory. One day when the boys ask about it besides showing them pictures of it they can see it in person. It would be the ultimate tribute for her. I would rather have her here of course.
The position of the tattoo in the center of the inside area of bicep is very tender, very soft. I knew the placement would cause unbearable pain. It can't be any worse then the pain I'm in now.
When you get a tattoo the artist essentially drags a needle down your arm, opposed from let’s say your doctor just sticking it in your flesh once and removing it.
As JR dragged the needle to outline the bird through my white delicate skin, I would turn my head the other way and exclaim, “Ugh! Fuck you JR!” and of course he laughs.
I'd close my eyes tight like a kid watching a horror movie, only I was the victim. I started to sweat profusely from my forehead. With each drag of the needle tearing into my arm the sweat would drip down the slope of my cranium, reach my eye brows, drip in my eyes causing a burning sensation and increasing the pain.
With each new mark on my skin of ink I would cringe in pain. I was hoping for my skin to go numb, but it was just wishful thinking. It would be awake for the entire process.
As JR dragged the needle to outline the bird through my white delicate skin, I would turn my head the other way and exclaim, “Ugh! Fuck you JR!” and of course he laughs.
I'd close my eyes tight like a kid watching a horror movie, only I was the victim. I started to sweat profusely from my forehead. With each drag of the needle tearing into my arm the sweat would drip down the slope of my cranium, reach my eye brows, drip in my eyes causing a burning sensation and increasing the pain.
With each new mark on my skin of ink I would cringe in pain. I was hoping for my skin to go numb, but it was just wishful thinking. It would be awake for the entire process.
He continued down the bicep towards the arm pit area. The pain was excruciating. I reached over and grabbed my shirt that I had to take off to expose my white flesh arm. I shoved it in my mouth and bit down hard. I wish he had a bite stick, but my shirt would do just fine.
"Jesus, this hurts more then when you were jabbing the needle into the top of my shoulder on my last tat.” I said to him becoming a complete pussy.
"Jesus, this hurts more then when you were jabbing the needle into the top of my shoulder on my last tat.” I said to him becoming a complete pussy.
"A little bit.” He said as he focused on his craft.
After forty-five minutes the tattoo was done.
“Let me see it.” I say.
He gets a mirror and displays it. As the tattoo reflects back at me, I pause, my eyes well up with tears, I start to cry in the tattoo shop. Is that even allowed?
“Oh man JR, you got it.” Tears stream down my face, “You nailed it man that is it. That is her fucking tat right there!”
I reach out to shake his hand but decide at the last minute I would pull him in and give him a hug. He was apprehensive about it and i could feel him pull back lightly. We then get caught up in some weird awkward man hug that he did not want to be a part of.
“Oh man JR, you got it.” Tears stream down my face, “You nailed it man that is it. That is her fucking tat right there!”
I reach out to shake his hand but decide at the last minute I would pull him in and give him a hug. He was apprehensive about it and i could feel him pull back lightly. We then get caught up in some weird awkward man hug that he did not want to be a part of.
“Thanks JR, its her tat", is all I could say over and over.
The pain in my tattoo drowned out the pain I felt in Mime's loss, just as the the love I have for my boys will someday over shadow the pain I have in the loss.
https://twitter.com/FusaCmee
The pain in my tattoo drowned out the pain I felt in Mime's loss, just as the the love I have for my boys will someday over shadow the pain I have in the loss.
https://twitter.com/FusaCmee
Christopher Fusaro. The author of Captain Imperfecto.
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