The Adventures of Captain Imperfecto

You are here: Home » Grieve in Your Own Time July14, 2012 Sometimes you have to let your grief out, but it seems stuck. Like that lump in your throat that you feel festering. The prelude to a vomit because your getting sick. Your mouth waters because your glands sense it’s coming. Your skin gets clammy as the sweat begins to push its way out from your skin. Your color is white regardless of the skin tone God blessed you with and your body gets fatigued because your not feeling right. Your on your hands and knees with your head hanging towards the ground. Your grief stricken from your loss and it makes you feel like your going to die. You want to get it out but you know it will take time. No one ever expects to hear the news, that they just lost a loved one. The grief sinking in, the life that you shared flashes before your eyes. It starts to boggle the mind. “You just saw them, and everything was fine.” There is no final goodbyes, or sometimes, never seeing them prior to th...

You are here: Home » A Trip to the Mall Part II  July 11th, 2012 He doesn’t say much just points in the distance. I look in the general direction and cringe when I see Nico in the fountain. He must be making a wish or dedicating himself to the mall God. It‘s okay I did my pre-game psych up so I was ready, just not for a swim in the food courts water fountain. .. I made a mad scramble to the fountain, leaving Christopher and the food behind. I got there just in time to grab Nico’s feet, while his head and torso were able to find their way to the water, pooling inside the concrete fountain, as it cascades down from the upper statue spouting water. I pulled him up in the air by his legs, like a tea bag, swung him forward, and carried him in my arms, on our long walk back to the table, where the stroller was, I just smiled at everyone and whispered at the gawkers’ who sat and stared. “Olympic trails, kids. They gotta dream” , shrugging my shoulders. Thankfully, I lear...

You are here: Home » A Trip to the Mall Part I July 10th, 2012 I went to the mall, my first since my wife died, with the boys. I avoided taking the little ones because my energy had changed since about the end of May. Lately, I have been building motivation to go anywhere from the couch. " Okay, Chris, you can do this, GET UP! GET UP! Look, a new movie is starting on HBO, and I'll go after this."  I know, defeated and disgraced. Finally, in a burst of energy, I take flight. I grab the boys and throw on their shirts. Run to the van and strap them in the car seats. Start the car, run back inside, put on my shoes, run out the door, lock the door, jump in the car, back out of the driveway, and off to the mall. Smiling, I feel proud that I got myself together; I glance back at my boys through the rearview mirror. I glance at myself and give a little wink.  Good job, Chris . Then, from the corner of my eye, I notice a little white peaking out from my son's waist on t...

You are here: Home » Remembering a Loved One Miimie holding her son Nico. July 9th, 2012 A loved one lost isn't too far away when all you need to do is close your eyes and get lost in the moment of your memory. Think of the good times that stand the test of time. The bad times that made you who you are. And the hard times to know that you made it then, you can now. Imagine their smile that you could elicit with a single joke, the heat of their breath on your skin, the sound of their voice ringing in your ears, the feel of their touch on your face. Know that they're here by your side, guiding your thoughts from the other side. I can still smell the pomegranate resonating off her skin. The smell still gets my senses buzzing. The softening crème exfoliates her exterior derma until it's as smooth as a newborn baby. I imagine running my hand down the outside of her arm, past her elbow, over her forearm, and   placing my hand into hers. Her perfectly shaped fingers i...