July 22, 2015
Sending my sons to practice their first-ever attempt at baseball was easy at first. They first discovered baseball when they saw other kids playing on a baseball field nearby.
"Hey, Dad, we want to do that!"
Are you sure, guys, you want to play baseball? When we sign up for it and buy equipment, it will cost about $240.00.
"What is money, dad?
Money is what I just paid to purchase that ice cream. That money will now go to sliding pants and a groin cup, and less money will go to ice cream.
"Is there ice cream in this groin cup?"
Nope
"Can I have a groin cone instead of a groin cup?"
A groin cup protects your "privates," guys. If I stick a cone down your pants, there will be a lot of explaining as to what the hell is going on. We will stick with the groin cup, less the ice cream.
"Hey, dad," the coach said, "welcome to the first day of t-ball practice."
Thanks, my boys seem really excited. I wish Nico and Christopher could have played on the same team together rather than on 2 different fields, participating in 2 different types of baseball.
"Well, the t-ball is over capacity and is best suited for Christophers' age," the coordinator said. "Nico is 7, and we'll try him in coach's pitch."
He's never played baseball before, coach. Is placing him on a team with a grown-up pitching-wise? Do you see some God-given talent for him to be on the coaches' pitch?
"Oh no, we just need more bodies on the coach pitch. The T-ball rosters are full, and this is the best for him and the league.
The best for him? What's best for you?
Playing on 2 different fields is a terrible situation for a parent. Trying to see both boys, as they miss a hit grounder towards them and or run the opposite direction after their first hit by way of rounding 3rd instead of rounding 1st, would be difficult. For me to get a full view of what was happening in both fields, I had to practically straddle an imaginary line and run back and forth between the bleachers.
Field #10
Go, Nico, swing the bat! Wait, never mind, wait to practice swing! Wait until you get to the plate, then swing the bat. Hey, Nico, swing that bat in the other direction! The other direction! You know what? Pretender, I didn't say anything; just listen to the coach!
"Dad, go! Go watch Christopher!"
That interaction could have gone over better. Sorry, dude, I yelled out loud. I wouldn't worry about embarrassment for him or myself; I had another child I had to embarrass.
Field #9
There's 2 guys on Short Stop, coach? My son and the other boy?
"We are placing all kids in the field and off the bench."
But we are fielding a football scrimmage between an offense and a defense. We have a first base, shortstop, 2nd base, shortstop, and then 3rd base covered, and 8 outfielders.
"At the moment, yes. These boys love to play. So play ball with them all. It's only t-ball!"
Okay, coach. Christopher, pay attention! Stop twirling in circles. Put your glove on your hand. Eyes front, Christopher, eyes front!
"Daddy, go away!"
"Dad, we want to nurture these boys to learn great sportsmanship. This league is all about fun. And we went all of them to have fun!"
As the coach announced his game plan for fun, Christopher was throwing his glove in the air and trying to catch it behind his back.
That looks like fun.
"Look alive, guys," the coach shouted as he clapped his hands.
Four weeks into the season, the boys wanted to forgo baseball for ice cream. They didn't like playing the game.
I told you 2 boys that it was either baseball or ice cream.
"No more baseball, dad. Ice cream is way more fun to eat. Baseball could be more fun. Too many people are on the field, and Nico can't hit a pitch thrown by the coach."
I don't want you to quit baseball for ice cream, boys; we will finish what we start.
"But dad, you always finish our ice cream when we can't."
What is your point? Do you want me to finish your baseball while you sit back and enjoy ice cream?
"We have a better idea."
3 cones, please, I said.
"The Miami Marlins welcome you to Marlins Stadium as the fish take on the Atlanta Braves," the PA announcer said as we received our cones.
MLB Baseball and ice cream boys, as American as apple pie, I said.
"Dad, I want to talk about Karate while we watch baseball and eat ice cream," Nico said.
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