Monday, June 9, 2014

The Snakelton

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Left to right:t: Nico and Christopher enjoying a science museum 



June 9, 2014





Below facts are based on actual events from a car dealership. Names, situations have been changed and altered. 

The King and Queen had ordered the greatest chariot made. The vehicle was fit for a royal family. They wanted the safest mode of transportation, for their small little boys, to usher them around their kingdom. Their servants worked day-in day-out to accommodate all their wishes and find them a quality car. They decided they would use Nissan as their official chariot provider. The king and queen were very satisfied.

The royal shuttle was long and tall. It seated eight people comfortably for their extensive travel rides to nearby kingdoms where they would dine with other commonwealth. They loved to show off their cab. The chariot had only the finest leather made from the hides of cows that grazed in fields of golden oats. The oats made the skin of the gentile animals shine.  Along with the kids they would have a Bose player with them who would play the flute. The music would fill the inside cabin and sooth the minds of all inside. The royal chariot was always ready to take the family out and about.

But tragically their family fun was short lived when the queen fell ill and would later pass away. Her death left the king to raise their small children, alone, on his own. The king was devastated at the idea his young princes’ would be without their mom.

Death of one of his own loved one wasn’t an easy concept to accept for a man of his stature. The loss of his wife was the one thing he could not control in his kingdom. He would realize, that death would eventually come to everyone. And there was nothing he could do about preventing it.

The months went by since she passed and the king did what he could to maintain some type of normalcy for his children. As a family they sought comfort in the chariot that his wife so dearly loved. It was the only materialistic thing that the queen would want to hold on to. The king and his boys used the chariot for all their get-a-ways. Until the day the chariot broke down.

The flute player could no longer play. The specialized vents that sucked in the outside air and cooled the interior of the cart stopped functioning. The rear window that allowed for safe backing of the chariot was broken. The king sent out word for anyone who could fix his wonderful ride. He would rather fix it close to his kingdom than travel to a far off distant. He wasn’t very car savvy but he knew it wouldn’t be much to fix. So, he sent out word by his messengers to have anyone come to his castle with an idea on who can fix it.


Soon after word got out about the kings offer one of his loyal servants was knocking on the kings stately door.

“Sire,” the kings loyal servant said.

“Enter, What is it Johansson, I’m am busy writing new proclamations and told you not to bother me.”

“Yes king, but I thought you’d want to know that there is a man here. He is saying that he knows of a place that can fix your chariot.”

The king quickly stood up from his chair. “Well, what are you standing here for let him in, Jo!”

The king rushed to his throne. Usually he makes those who wish to speak with the king wait while his servants prepare him for any type of meeting. The king has a reputation to up hold to dignitaries, common people and his enemies. He wants to be bathed and clean-shaven. He wants his royal clothes to be neat and fresh. The jewels on his crown have to be polished and set just perfect on his head. The process could take hours before anyone would kneel down before royalty. But there would be none of that today.

The king rushed from his office without securing his future proclamation. He hurriedly passed by his bounty of paintings and sculptures his men had captured and gave to him as gifts from lands they invaded. He just wanted to meet this man. 

“Your royal highness may I present to Ekron, commoner of the Northlake district.”

Ekron entered the large golden doors and walked the long halls that would open up into a grand ballroom. Before him sat the King. Ekron was a frail man. He walked with a hunch. His mouth slightly open because he was mouth breather. His eyes were heavy but remained focused on the king.  As he arrived to the stairs that led up to the king’s throne he went to one knee.

“You majesty I come with great news. I have answered the call that you sent out looking for anyone to fix your ailing chariot.”

The king looked down on this man and slowly rose from his seat. The king was still wearing his evening attire. He walked down the eight steps until he was standing in front of his subject.

“Do rise Ekron. Tell me what you know.”

The Snakelton Nissansire.” Ekron looked up at him. His left eye was cloudy. His hair beginning to show signs thinning that began with a complete bald spot at the back of his head. He was a man beat down by life.

“Who is this Snakelton Nissan? And why haven’t I heard of him before?”

“Sire, the Snakelton fixes Nissan Chariots. It’s located just 3870 steps beyond your great walls just beyond the Blue Heron Boulevard West in the Kingdom of Riviera Beach (33404). They can fix it your majesty. And the good thing, sire, is that it’s not as far away from your kingdom as the other Nissan dealerships.”

“You are sure of this honesty, Ekron?”

“Oh yes my lord. They are honest. They would never prey on unsuspecting people looking to fix their chariot. Especially a king”

Ekron was sincere in his eyes but he could not hide his smirk. It was a discontent for the king. His smirk is a sign the king would normally see but the king wanted his chariot fixed so badly that he never paid his inner signals of trickery any mind. Getting his royal van fixed was important to him and his children. 

“Prepare my royal luggage for travel,” the King announced to his servants as he walked away from Ekron,

“Do be careful of the Snakelton Nissan,” Ekron said. He said it in such a whisper that not a person in a quite room could hear. As the king retired into his chambers the loud closing of the doors echoed throughout the room. The banging noise was only to be drowned out by the laughter of Ekron.

The chariot was loaded with all the things a king would need to travel. He left his princes’ behind. He did not want them to ride in a broken vehicle. He wanted the ride fixed for their safety. Besides he wasn’t too sure who this Snakelton was and he wanted to meet him.

“Take me to this Snakelton Nissan,” the king commanded his driver. “It’s located just beyond the great I-95 road way, 3870 steps from the kingdom, off the Blue Heron Boulevard West in the Kingdom of Riviera Beach (33404).”

After a fortnight the king would arrive. The king was weary but determined after his long ride but he was to fix his chariot. The people of Snakeleton came out of the woodwork to greet the King. Their fake smiles where so wide their mouth would extend from ear to ear. But they spoke with a hiss to their voice. They seemed caring and loving and assured the king that his chariot would be fixed. They knew the king expected the people of the Snakelton to fix his chariot up to the Nissan standards.  

[Music]

[Everyone sings]

“Welcome King and thanks for bringing your van, to the Snakelton Nissan!”

“We know you think you’ve thought of everything you can to make sure we don't screw you here at the Snakelton.”

[The people of Snakelton dance around the king as they hold hands]

“But will pretend you don’t know much about your chariot and charge you more than any other dealer in the land.”

[The king tunes out their singing while he indulges of their sweet food and coffee]

We’re the Snakelton and will screw you if we can.”

“We’re the Snakelton and will screw you if we can.”

[The king smiles and dances oblivious to their lyrics. He is just excited to get his chariot fixed]

“We’re the Snakelton! And we will screw you…. And will screw you…and will screw you…because we can.”

[The group heads out as the singing begins to fade until the last salesman leaves and turns back and shouts]

“Then we'll deny.”

Door slams

The king was thrilled. He longed for his chariot to work properly. He knew he’d be in good hands. The Snakelton Nissan wouldn’t purposely screw him and his kids. Even if they can!

Until.

“Okay my lord. The chariot has an issue,” a Snakelton said.

“What is it,” the king asked.

“Well your majesty it’s going to cost you $5,000 gold shillings to fix your most wonderful ride.”

“What,” the king said in disbelief.

“Yes sire,” he said with a hiss, “ you must buy all new parts for your chariot as we don’t sell them separately.”

“But you’re licensed through Nissan,” the king said.

“Yes, but there is something about your chariot, sire. It’s different from the rest of Nissan chariots out there. So we must charge you what we’re are told by the Snakelton Nissan parts department.”

“Yes lad, but you see I can find these parts else where at any other Nissan dealership. You’re the closest to my kingdom. I’m relying on your honesty and good will towards man, to take care of my family. You cannot over charge me for a simple reapair!”

The Snakelton withered at the deep voice of the king but he was not dismayed. He knew the king was limited and pushed the limits even more.

“You majesty I shall go speak with the service manager. I will protest such an evil pricing. For I have not seen such over pricing in all my years here at Snakelton Nissan. I won’t be but a moment.”

The king paced around. He could not understand the audacity the people of Snakelton had trying to fool a king. He had traveled 3870 steps from his kingdom to the Blue Heron Boulevard West and made it to the Kingdom of Riviera Beach (33404). The king knew that although he could travel to the Kingdom of Sunrise to fix his chariot he’d rather stay here, close to his home.

“I’m sorry your majesty, but we will have to stick to our $5,000.00 gold shilling estimate. You see, we cannot order the vents separately. Your flute player is blown, and the back-up window is no good. We have to give you all new parts. It is not a simple fux”

The king was calm because one doesn’t become a king by being emotional.

“You must be mistaken my dear Snakelton. I shall get a new estimate on my chariot. And if you are wrong well, you will have to deal with me later.After all, if your are screwing me, the king, how many other people have you screwed over?”

“Yes my king. Good luck though, because we are bigger than your kingdom and no one will bother to listen to you,” the Snakelton proclaimed.

For forty days and forty nights the king rode his chariot to the Kingdom of Sunrise. There he found a little auto shop call Lord Bob of Bob’s Auto Service.

“My king, I have fixed your problems for $200.00 in gold shillings.”

“How can this be? Did you use certified Nissan parts? The Snakelton was adamant that I had to pay $5,000.00 gold shillings”

“Yes your majesty. You must beware of the Snakelton. They are dishonest. They are known to give bad repair service.”

“Well Lord Bob. I informed the Snakelton that I would be back if I found the work for far less than what they charged me. To be sure you fixed everything like the venting system for $100.00 in gold shillings that Snakelton said would cost $1,800.00 in gold shillings?”

“Oh, yes your majesty.”

“You fixed my flute player radio that the Snakelton said would cost over $900.00 in gold shillings for only $50.00 in gold shillings.”

“Yes, your majesty.”

“You also fixed my rear window. So it acts like a back-up camera for $50.00 in gold shillings when the Snakelton wanted to charge me over $900.00 in gold shillings?

“Yes my king.”

“Very well Lord Bob, I knight you in honor of your honesty. And as for the Snakelton Nissan, I proclaim them to be dishonest. I shall post for all the world to see this proclamation by my kingdom:”

“To the people of my kingdom do not travel 3780 steps outside the kingdom to Snakelton Nissan, Blue Heron Boulevard West in the kingdom of Riviera Beach (33404). For they are dishonest and not accountable for there $5,000.00 over charge to fix my chariot. So I had fixed else where for under $200.00 using certified Nissan parts. I advised the Snakelton of their over pricing and they still didn’t give…well... give a shit about their customers or how bad they wanted to screw over the king. BEWARE, Beware of the Snakelton, because they'll screw you if they can.”




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