October 14, 2015
What the hell? My son tried to step on a lizard! I felt like I let nature and humanity down when I observed his attempted life-ending stomp. I never taught him to be so destructive, especially towards a life. Look, if we lived in a country where the food we ate tended to run away from us and we had to be hunt and kill the animal in order to survive, then, well bon appétit. But this wasn’t the case. I just went grocery shopping for heavens sake!
What the hell? My son tried to step on a lizard! I felt like I let nature and humanity down when I observed his attempted life-ending stomp. I never taught him to be so destructive, especially towards a life. Look, if we lived in a country where the food we ate tended to run away from us and we had to be hunt and kill the animal in order to survive, then, well bon appétit. But this wasn’t the case. I just went grocery shopping for heavens sake!
And he didn’t try to hide
his planned attempt. “lizard,” he shouted.
He stomped his feet on the
ground and marched, like a solider, towards the cold blooded skinned reptile.
“Christopher, what are you
doing,” I asked.
I saw the brown creature
resting on the surface of the driveway. Surly he’d see my son charging towards
him. I mean after all my kids the scale of a large building compered to him.
The only thing missing was
my son proclaiming,” fee-fi-fo-fum….”
That lizards gonna move – I
thought to myself.
My son got closer but the lizard didn’t scamper. The little creature turned it’s head upwards leering at my son
playing an awful game of chicken. Which makes you wonder what came first: the
reptile or the egg?
“Christopher, leave that
lizard alone.”
I was getting nervous
neither of them were giving up their position. I began to walk towards my son.
I wasn’t too sure if an intervention was warranted but I wanted to be close to
him in case.
When I realized that lizard
wasn’t going to move I shouted as if it would heed my warnings.
“Shoo, scat, go on lizard,
run for your life!”
And yet he didn’t budge. Oh
why won’t this lizard move!
Christopher is getting
closer, the gap between life and death was closing in and my son would be the final
decision maker , the judge, jury and executioner of this little
life.
Run. Lizard. Run!
I raised my sons’ better
than this didn’t I? There isn’t need for such violence. Save it for the ring or on
the gridiron. Better yet save it for that annoying Geico geeko!
The scene came to focus the
situation was dire and the time was counting down until it’s death.
“Mercy, son, have mercy,” I
pleaded.
Like a heartless King he
ignored my pleas. This lizards fate was sealed, signed and delivered.
“Au revoir, sweet lizard. À la prochaine. Until we
meet again.”
“Dad, it’s a leaf not a lizard.”
“What son?”
“It’s just a leaf. See. What did you think it was
a lizard?”
“But, it looked like a lizard, and you looked
like you were going to stomp it and..”
“I just cleaned the driveway dad. I’m tired of
these fall leaves spreading across the driveway like little lizards.”
"But you scremed out, lizard?"
"Because look at these leaves, they scatter like lizards all over the place. So I nicknamed them."
“Oh, lizard."
I am either an over protective parent or a great advocate for lizards.
C' lest la vie, Au Revior.
Captain Imperfecto
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