Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Au revoir

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Nico's first dentist visit. No cavities! 

October 14, 2015

What the hell? My son tried to step on a lizard! I felt like I let nature and humanity down when I observed his attempted life-ending stomp. I never taught him to be so destructive, especially towards a life. Look, if we lived in a country where the food we ate tended to run away from us and we had to be hunt and kill the animal in order to survive, then, well bon appétit.  But this wasn’t the case. I just went grocery shopping for heavens sake!

And he didn’t try to hide his planned attempt. “lizard,” he shouted. 

He stomped his feet on the ground and marched, like a solider, towards the cold blooded skinned reptile.

“Christopher, what are you doing,” I asked.

I saw the brown creature resting on the surface of the driveway. Surly he’d see my son charging towards him. I mean after all my kids the scale of a large building compered to him.

The only thing missing was my son proclaiming,” fee-fi-fo-fum….”

That lizards gonna move – I thought to myself.

My son got closer but the lizard didn’t scamper. The little creature turned it’s head upwards leering at my son playing an awful game of chicken. Which makes you wonder what came first: the reptile or the egg?

“Christopher, leave that lizard alone.”

I was getting nervous neither of them were giving up their position. I began to walk towards my son. I wasn’t too sure if an intervention was warranted but I wanted to be close to him in case.

When I realized that lizard wasn’t going to move I shouted as if it would heed my warnings.

“Shoo, scat, go on lizard, run for your life!”

And yet he didn’t budge. Oh why won’t this lizard move!

Christopher is getting closer, the gap between life and death was closing in and my son would be the final decision maker , the judge, jury and executioner of this little life.

Run. Lizard. Run!

I raised my sons’ better than this didn’t I? There isn’t need for such violence. Save it for the ring or on the gridiron.  Better yet save it for that annoying Geico geeko!

The scene came to focus the situation was dire and the time was counting down until it’s death.

“Mercy, son, have mercy,” I pleaded.

Like a heartless King he ignored my pleas. This lizards fate was sealed, signed and delivered.

“Au revoir, sweet lizard. À la prochaine. Until we meet again.”

“Dad, it’s a leaf not a lizard.”

“What son?”

“It’s just a leaf. See. What did you think it was a lizard?”

“But, it looked like a lizard, and you looked like you were going to stomp it and..”

“I just cleaned the driveway dad. I’m tired of these fall leaves spreading across the driveway like little  lizards.”

"But you scremed out, lizard?"

"Because look at these leaves, they scatter like lizards all over the place. So I nicknamed them."

“Oh, lizard."

I am either an over protective parent or a great advocate for lizards.

C' lest la vie, Au Revior.



Captain Imperfecto 

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