Wednesday, April 22, 2015

One-Hundred Percent of the Time

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Christopher embracing Champ our yellow lab 

April 22, 2015


I’m %99.99 percent sure, that I’m %100.00 accurate that no one has visited Mimie’s grave since she was buried on March 23, 2012. Damn that makes me feel sad that people just don’t care.

I don’t get it? I can understand why people don’t visit my daughters, Sophia and Gabriella. That was more of a personal loss for Mimie and I. I suppose if Mimie was buried back home in Colorado by her family they would be there more often but I didn’t bury her there because I knew that Mimie wanted to be buried near her daughters. Besides her boys are living with me in Florida and I’m sure they will want time with their mom more often as they get older and better understand her loss.

I suppose it’s easy for me to say that I want our family, and hers, to go by there more often since I do it all the time. I go see her and them a lot. I place out flowers every other Sunday that I work since I’m close to the cemetery.

It’s been three years since her death. Man, time goes fast. I remember times with her as I begin to move forward myself. I never thought I’d get to this point but I have pushed on. And I don’t have a choice because my young sons will move on without me so in a sense; they are the ones dragging me with them.

At times when I go visit the cemetery I just sit in my seat and allow the music of the moment to take over. The tunes of the song working it’s way out of the speaker as the notes drift in the air and into my ears. Depending on the song it can be quite soothing to allow the music to take over my mood.


While the music plays I gaze outside and fixate my glare to the life that is around me. Despite everything that ails me and no matter what the world brings me, life is moving on. 

I see the birds flying around high above in the clear blue sky. Their flight seems to synchronize dancing in the air as the swirl around each other. My vision quickly captures two squirrels playing a game of tag with each, around the base of trees, up and down the tree truck they go, living the life they only know. The workers here steadily doing their ob by cutting the grass, trimming the hedges and digging new holes continuing their life even though they are surrounded be other peoples deceased loved ones. 

Life is ever moving forward and I know I have to catch up somehow and with a little bit of urgency. It’s only now that I realize I don’t have to leave the past and the people buried here, in this cemetery, in order to go forward, into another part of my life, and just go on push forward, break free just like nature is doing right before my very eyes and what most of my family has done %100 of the time.

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