Nico (left) and Christopher at a State Fair
February 17, 2016
I try to do my best as a father for my two sons. Parenting
is so damn difficult sometimes. Everyday I try and find the right way to make
my children understand what is the best for them. I’m in a perpetual state of
Goldielocks in the book of the Three Bears while attempt to find what is just
right for my sons’.
Nico says sorry all the time. Even when he did nothing
wrong. I used to do that when I was younger. I hate that he does that now. “No,
Nico don’t be sorry unless you actually did something you aren’t suppose to
do,” I lecture.
Nico is so giving and sharing. Just like me. I don’t want
him to be totally like me. Now think back to when you were a child. Did you try
and please everyone? I sure did. Let’s take a look back on one incident shall
we? I remember it well. I was in first grade, Reagan was about to win, the 80's were about to born and I and my friends…
Were sitting in the cafeteria lunchroom enjoying our
lunch. The lunchroom seemed so big back then and the ceiling so damn tall. We
sat on our assigned class benches talking about what 6 year olds of that time
did. Saturday morning cartoons and the new break dancing club that was started.
The auditorium/cafeteria was loud. Two hundred little kids
talking louder than the next. Our voices coming together in a single chorus
ringing out like a bell dinging from the highest towers. Even as us kids shoved
food down our throats, that didn’t stop the constant chatter. I can’t
believe nobody choked to death.
My father qualified for reduced lunches for the four of us
but there were times I brought my own lunch. I was so excited. My mom has just
bought me a Black Hole tin lunchbox. It had cool movie graphics, a metal latch
and an amazing thermos that attached on the inside. My peanut butter and jelly
sandwich, chips and Oreo cookies snugged up nicely against it.
My friends and I talked about how grueling our math was now
that we were doing double-digit addition and memorizing are times tables. Hey,
that’s a big deal for young kids. I wasn’t too thrilled about bringing my lunch
to school. The shiny new lunchbox paled in comparing to the tostados the other
children were feasting on. But nonetheless I was happy. I had my Oreo’s.
I ripped open the bag. I assume zip lock bags were difficult
for everyone? The cookies fell out of the bag and scattered on my napkin below.
Six glorious cookies stared back at me. I couldn’t wait.
“Chris, is that an Oreo,” a cunning fellow 6 year old said.
“Yes.”
“Can I have one?
“Well, umm…”
“Come one. Just one.”
“Yes I want one too!”
“Me too.”
The other kids jumped in and I passed them out not counting
my dwindling supply until it was too late. I gave all my Oreo’s a way. I just
stared at my napkin. The black crispy cookie shell was all that stood out on the
white backdrop of my napkin. I don’t know why but tears started to come out. As I cried
in my hands I heard someone ask.
“Why is he crying?”
“I think he gave away all his cookies,” the girl replied.
“Well,” the little boy replied back as he licked the white
center filling, “he shouldn’t have given them all away.”
The incident as followed me all my life. I didn't know such a
menial incident should pop every now and again. I suppose it is a thought that infiltrates
my mind when I feel taken advantage of, even if it was of my own doing.
I want my boys to know that at times it’s okay to say no
when they don’t want to do something. Yes when they truly mean it and to let go
and move forward without saying “sorry” if they truly did nothing wrong to have
to apologize in the first place.
All this time I’m looking for the right porridge when I
should really be teaching them to keep track of their Oreo’s because that’s
where their happiness may lie.