Captain Imperfecto and Mimie
May 12th, 2013
When my kids lost their mother a year ago I thought to myself - How the hell am I going to do this?
Where would I find someone to help me raise my sons in a respectable manner. Someone who would love them as much as I love them. Who could I turn to for answers to my questions. God, I’m going to fail miserably.
I couldn’t feel sorry for myself for long. After all the boys needed diaper changes, clothing and food. They needed me to provide for them because they weren’t going to do it themselves. I thought I would at least find some help from my family to help guide me in the ways of a parent.
But that help never came. I found out quickly I would have to learn as I go and use the tools I had gained by helping out with the kids with my wife, Mimie. But I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. After all, she was a well educated stay at home mom. And she had the boys on schedule.
Before she passed away, the boys were fed by 1730 hours (5:30pm to you) and in bed by 1930 hours (7:30 pm). I use military time because thats how well streamlined she was with the schedule making. And even though I worked primarily in military time, I couldn’t couldn’t keep the time as well organized as her.
In the weeks after her death, it was food when we were hungry and bed time at whenever time. But I couldn’t help it. I was down and felt sorry for myself. I didn’t know what the hell to do. I was in shambles and there wasn’t a damn person around to help me figure it out. I was on my own.
Realizing that I was on my own, I knew I would have to get some kind of structure going for my boys. After all, kids need structure to grow and build on. And the new foundation would start now. But how would I go about pouring a new foundation? Where would this structure go. I felt so bad that I couldn’t be the mother and father the kids needed. I quickly thought about the millions of single parents out in the world today.
I am a product of a single parent. My dad had help though. But if he could raise 4 kids, as well of the countless of others I met on the job as a police officer, well then I could do it to. My boys needed me and I needed my boys.
I had no choice but to be their dad and their mother. I would discipline them when they were bad. I would console them when they were sad. I would listen to them when they were in need of an ear to hear their fears. I would be the one they’d turn to when the needed someone the most. I would be both parents they so needed.
Sadly though, when I would build the “can do” attitude inside my mind and physically become strong enough to face the world and my reality, my mind would then realize how my boys needed their mom, which the thought of that would send me crashing down into my reality, of my children, being motherless, and I would feel crushed and send myself back to square one.
As the months passed I would tend to my boys the way any parent would do with the basics needs that every human needs. And slowly the traction would begin to take hold as we built ourselves up into the direction that we could only go- up.
Now a year has gone by and we are spending our second Mother’s Day without their mother. And as you can expect it is not easy. Our life is slowly weaving through the ins and outs of the good times and bad times, the good days and bad days and the fun days and boring days but I am still consistent on the love I share with them because the love I have is for 2.
I figured out that I knew and loved my wife for 14 years. And that if anyone knew her best it was me. I know how to love because I loved their mom. And I know how to love like their mom, because their mom loved me. So in a way I knew how to love for 2.
When the boys come crying to me because they are hurt or sick, I love them how their mom would love them. Because thats how she loved me, when I was down. When the boys want to be showered with joy for their accomplishments, I jump for joy, as would their mom, because she cheered for me with all the joy and love one would, when they love someone, does.
And so it goes from one Mother’s Day to another. As the years turn in to another, I think about how their mother would love them today? And I go with my heart.
Happy Mother's Day Mimie. Hug our twin daughters, Sophia and Gabriella for me.
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The Adventures of Captain Imperfecto is a registered copyright, 2012-2013
"All rights reserved"
The Adventures of Captain Imperfecto/Born Again by Christopher P. Fusaro is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at christopherfusaro.blogspot.com.