Monday, July 13, 2015

Happy New Year! Birthday Accountability

You are here: Home » Happy New Year! Birthday Accountability

Nico (rear) and Christopher (front) Checking out a train before dinner outside the restaurant. 


July 13, 2015


I just had a birthday. “Yay, happy birthday to me,” and thank you for your happy birthday wishes, your thoughts are implied. It's New Year's Eve in July! So another year in the books and a new chapter begins as my (blah, blah) year old begins.

How will my life in the next “fiscal year” be written? Will I finish out a whole 365 days, and see another birthday? What characters will I develop and add to my life along the way? I am writing my life by living and without a computer, pen or paper as my new year unfolds.

Most people reset their lives at the stroke of midnight on New Years Eve. Many make New Year’s resolution that they will never hold themselves accountable for. I begin my fresh start, in life, on my birthday. And as this year starts out the word that seems to always fit the mood is: accountable. Because many people depend on me for their daily needs. I suppose my yearly birthday resolution, is to be accountable.

Did I become wiser this past year? Did I find happiness or learn to be happy? Are my kids being raised right due to the fact that I’m a good father?

I have learned over the past few birthdays to let go of the things that I cannot control especially when it comes to other people’s failed promises and their own shitty attitude towards me or any situation they don't like. I’m no Saint either. But my failures have made me a lot smarter as well because being accountable for my own actions has placed many of my life's problems into prospective. When I view issues that deal with me from a different perspective it proves that all of us are fallible and that I’m not immune from disappointing others who are depended on me to fix their problems.

So I find that it is better to forgive those who cannot forgive themselves or find it impossible to apologize for being wrong, because I am not without my own faults and I have, in turn, probably disappointed others. We’re human and it is better to move on and let them stew in their own personal hell.

Does that way of thinking mean that I allow nothing to bother me? Hell no, many things bother me. But if I don’t let go of those irritating, irrational thoughts, it only means that I allowed my feelings to fester in my mind and I will use my imagination to recreate what occurred in order to justify my what actions I should have taken thus allowing a monster to grow and eat up inside. I think it's called stress.

I found letting go of my worrying has made my life happier because the mental freedom allows me to take notice of the truly beautiful things that are occurring right before my eyes. Live and let go be accountable for your own happiness.

Happiness is an emotion that all of us deserve and achieving a simple smile seems easy enough, but that isn’t always the case because sh*t happens. People will disappoint you and it seems that some people will go out of there way to kill any joy you seek but if you are accountable for your own happiness then walking away from the drama that makes you miserable will stir a smile on your face regardless of their BS.

I find happiness in my boys. However, my kids make me worry constantly. And it isn't' only by their actions. Well, some of their actions, yes, but, simply reading a news article about how unstable other people are in this world gives me pause to what my expectation is for them. I just want them to be safe.

Nico and Christopher bring me the good times and I’m thankful for that. As a father all I strive to do is instill good morals and values in their developing mind so that when they’re older, I have given them the tools that will allow them to function in life. Although I will worry about them, I will always smile, because my sons are a good source for living and learning in my life and their happiness is what I hold myself accountable to.

Why does aging make me think of mortality even though I’m entering the prime of my life? Watching a movie that I grew up with now is no longer fun. Is age killing my favorite movies because I remember seeing these films as a kid or is it only now that I’m an adult, I realize now how stupid the movie plot truly is?

So many questions this birthday. And many of those questions have been answered here in this blog while I reflect on my life over the past year. I realize that I can’t solve everything and memories and thoughts will linger in my mind but others will fade into oblivion, but it’s time to move forward placing the past in my 2014 binder, of my own history book.

Happy birthday to me, this July 8th, as I enter the New Year, 2015, the only thing left to worry about is what my New Year’s resolution will be. Oh what do ya know? Accountability.

Nico and Christopher enjoying their bowling league.




© Copyright 2015, Captain Imperfecto, LLC. All rights reserved.