A loved one lost isn't too far away when all you need to do is close your eyes and get lost in the moment of your memory. Think of the good times that stand the test of time. The bad times that made you who you are. And the hard times to know that you made it then, you can now.
Imagine their smile that you could elicit with a single joke, the heat of their breath on your skin, the sound of their voice ringing in your ears, the feel of their touch on your face. Know that they're here by your side, guiding your thoughts from the other side.
I can still smell the pomegranate resonating off her skin. The smell still gets my senses buzzing. The softening crème exfoliates her exterior derma until it's as smooth as a newborn baby. I imagine running my hand down the outside of her arm, past her elbow, over her forearm, and placing my hand into hers. Her perfectly shaped fingers intertwine with mine as they marry each other in a tight embrace. The tips of her fingers are well equipped with strong and healthy nails, perfect and in no need of attention from manufacturers like Zoya or Mabelyn. God made each digit with perfection. A hand model in the making, the curves of each finger indefectible, as the length of each one is perfectly aligned from the pinky to the thumb. A touch from either one was enough to give you chills. Just to feel it once more would give me one more thrill.
I look at her face and follow the outline of her almond-shaped eyes. When I look deeper inside, I can see the outside brown fading as it spreads inward, dissipating slowly as the green fills outward, forming the perfect hazel color. When the sunlight hits the colors just right, it drowns out the dark brown of the iris, allowing the green to take over, creating a dazzling display of light as the sun's rays bounce around, creating a twinkle in her eyes. I am captivated by the beauty of her glare; as I stare back, I'm mesmerized. What I wouldn't give to look at them once more.
I feel helpless and vulnerable when I dream about her face, remembering each blemish, freckle, and detail that gave her beauty and grace. One of the reasons we named our daughter Sophia Grace. Her face perfectly fits her; it was made by angels and would brighten any man's day when she walked their way. Her cheekbones were high, her jaw was square, her nose with a perfect slope that started between her eyes and down her face, and her bridge was low, then rose outward, curving down and tucked away perfectly on her face. To escape the confines of my mind and see her face again would give me a chance to live again.
Her red lips were full and rich, enough to make any Botox recipient jealous. The plumpness of the bottom and top would grab anyone's attention, mainly when she talked; they'd give you pause as the words spilled from her mouth, even in the middle of her screams and shouts. Soft and tender to the touch, she knew how to accentuate them with her various lip glosses, Mac, Lorac, and bare essentials. To kiss them, you'd have been lucky; how delicate and smooth, like a pillow for your head, your lips would sink in, bonding your lips and hers together, sharing your love. If God would give me the chance just to see them and press my lips up against them.
Hold her in your warm embrace as her arms are wrapped around your waist. The strength in her grip would translate the love she had, radiating from her soul, that penetrates the person you are, making the spiritual connection that melds you into one. It's heaven on earth when you get lost in someone else's cuddle, losing track of time as you close your eyes and bow your head, squeezing her tight, feeling her breath exhale from your pressure, never wanting to let go and hoping it lasts forever.
It's hard to open your eyes and experience the feeling of losing them again; all you want to do is hold your eyes closed tightly and never peek, not even slightly. But there is a time when you must face the truth and accept that the moment will end. But when you want to remember, just close your eyes again; your loved one will be in your mind forever, until your very end.
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That was more than amazing. Wow. May God bless you and your kids. <3
ReplyDeleteYou gave me chills. Very beautiful Chris.
ReplyDeleteChris you have lost alot. I can't even imagine your intense loss. I feel sad hearing your story. I know I would be insane by now having gone through what you have. When I lost my mom, my nephews and brother I would lean on my support system and hang tight to the ones who are grieving as well. I can't imagine what your little children are feeling and thinking. I was eight when my dad and brother died in a MVA, I really didn't understand but I certainly had alot of questions and anger. I will keep you and your family in my heart and hope that by each passing minute you remember that someone is wishing you well. Take one minute at a time and find comfort in knowing that your little ones need you more than ever.
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