July14, 2012
Sometimes you have to let your grief out, but it seems stuck. Like that lump in your throat that you feel festering. The prelude to a vomit because your getting sick. Your mouth waters because your glands sense it’s coming. Your skin gets clammy as the sweat begins to push its way out from your skin. Your color is white regardless of the skin tone God blessed you with and your body gets fatigued because your not feeling right. Your on your hands and knees with your head hanging towards the ground. Your grief stricken from your loss and it makes you feel like your going to die. You want to get it out but you know it will take time.
No one ever expects to hear the news, that they just lost a loved one. The grief sinking in, the life that you shared flashes before your eyes. It starts to boggle the mind. “You just saw them, and everything was fine.”
There is no final goodbyes, or sometimes, never seeing them prior to them being gone. The words you always wanted to say are lost in an abyss, you scream and shout as you let it out, praying that they’re listening to your words that are floating about, stirring in your own misery you can hardly stand. It’s no longer cathartic to let it out, so you just bottle it up and live in despair. Hoping for closure that is never there.
You have to grieve in your own time. Don’t rush the feeling of hurt from your system until your ready to move forward with your healing. Let the pain ache your bones and the misery consume your mind. Scream, holler and cry. Let the chills flow through your body before you try and walk. It will get worse before it gets better as you spiral down into a hole of darkness before you can see the light that will guide you out.
Heal your heart in your own way but appeal to your emotions by letting them out. You have to manage your grief that is deep within you, before it turns to hate and consumes your life. Work with yourself by containing the battles grinding away at your insides, “if you let it stay and fester it will tear you apart.” Tell yourself-to set the grief free. It’s never easy when you imagine how your life use to be. It fills you with anger and blinds you from the real purpose of healing: Letting your wounds close, your body rest and your mind set yourself free, accepting that you can not go back and change the reality your in.
Life is not easy and nothing it has to offer is ever given to you. You have to find a way to get healthy and reinvigorate yourself. Choose a life that makes you happy and gets you feeling right. Tell your self you can get better, you have the power to improve life for the better. Just tell your self you can.
“I can do it, I am the only one who can lift myself up and carry on. The one I love may be dead, but I’m alive today and ready to lift my spirits in my own way. I love them now, like I did yesterday. Those feelings won’t change tomorrow like any other day before they left me. I will grieve in my own time and when I am ready to face the world, I will be better then I was before I lost the one that made me a better person. They would want it that way now that they’re gone: To live a life that is happy and prosperous, and to eventually carry on.”
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Christopher Fusaro. The author of Captain Imperfecto.
© copyright 2012. All rights reserved.
Also see us at www.captainimperfecto.com
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