Thursday, May 10, 2012

"Hakuna Matata!"

May 1st, 2012

Disney Trip April 23rd, 2012

It's Sunday. No I mean Monday, I think it is anyhow. My days are combining like sugar to water. Although I'm not making lemonade with the lemons life just handed me. I don't enjoy this. Sitting on my ass. The only benefit I'm receiving from being home on a daily bases is being a stay at home dad. I wish I could do this full time but eventually I have to try and get back to work. Unless I win Lotto, which I've been playing more then ever, yet I haven't checked a single ticket to see if I'm a winner. Right now my motivation sucks and my minds on my kids well-being. My sons seem to be okay.

Nico asks for mama every time my cell phone rings. I try to keep it on vibrate as much as possible. I'm on a child care hunt yet I can't see to find anyone. I need a break. I have to do something. I want to get away. I was thinking about taking my boys to Disney World but I'm worried about doing it alone with a two year old and a four year old. All I can think of is that it's going to be a disaster. Their fits, the tantrums, attempting to control them in long lines just to get on a magical Disney ride. But I wanna try. I gotta try.

My days are colliding with each other like the rays of the sun punching through the night sky beginning the dawn of a new day. On this new day I'm gonna do it. Just going to pack up a bunch of clothes and head out the door.

Traveling north on the highway towards the "mouses' house" a quick two hundred and twenty miles get away from where I want to be. I felt a rush of relief as I got some distance from my own house. I was traveling blindly towards Orlando. But traveling blindly it's nothing new. It's how I've been traveling through my own life now since March when Mimie passed away.

I had no hotel booked. No theme park tickets, quite frankly I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I wanted to get out of town and I rushed out of my house. Not intentionally though. My sister-in-law provided me with a maid service which arrived sooner then the 2pm arrival time I was told.  And not just one cleaning lady but three were at my door.

"Jeez, I don't live in filth", I thought.

It's a great gesture from Mimie's sister to hire a cleaning company.My house is a fucking wreck and I hated for people to pop over without notice to see what has become of me by my appearance and my house's appearance. I'd rather stay safe behind my text from my iPhone 4S and let everyone assume I'm okay.

My motivation seems to have died and my house was a direct result for the lack there of and the cleanliness was suffering from it. I tried to at least straighten up my domicile before the housekeeper arrived but I wasn't successful in those efforts, figures.

So now the cleaners get to see how sloppy I live lately before I could cover up the mess. M house gives away my life of solitude. I didn't want to be there while they went through my rooms cleaning judging me and my mess.

I asked them,"Could you please wait outside until I get my things together."

"You aren't one of those are you?", the blonde cleaning lady of the three said with a smirk.

"One of those?" I said clinching my teeth.

"Well yes. You aren't cleaning before we clean are you?", she said.

"Kinda, and especially now that there's three of you here.", I said with a little despair in my voice.

"There's three of us because we do a thorough cleaning as a start up. It's customary so no worries. Okay? After this only one of us will show up" she said very politely.

I said, "I'm gonna leave the house so I'm not over your shoulder as you do your job."

As the the ladies stood by outside, I frantically ran around the house trying to gather my things to pack for my impromptu trip to Orlando.

I scooped up Nico and ran out the door towards the mini-van.
"Sorry ladies", I said as a carried Nico to his car seat,"I didn't expect you all here so soon. I'm hurrying."

"Oh, it's okay your our last stop", the blonde said with a smile.

"I'm sorry for how the house looks. I'm kind of embarrassed but I like i said I tried to clean it before you got here.", I said trying to mitigate being a pig.

All three woman were kind. They had an idea as to what was going on in my life, with my loss. I went back in the house and scooped up baby Christopher and brought him to the van," I'm almost done really. So sorry", I said as I walked passed them.

I have never said sorry so much before in my life as I have the past month.

"Take your time, take your time." the same blonde lady of the three said. I guess she made herself the official spokeswoman of the group.

I grabbed a suit case and started throwing clothes in it. Shirts, shorts, socks. If it looked cleaned and smelled decent it was packed for the ride. I walked out with the suite case and and announced,"All yours. Thanks  for your patience. Again I am sorry for the mess and making you wait." Ugh stop saying sorry I thought.

They seemed happy to see me leave as I was happy to see them through my cars review mirror.

Finally I was off. Of course I didn't leave officially. I returned to my house on three different occasions because of something I forgot. I just want to get on the road.

So far the boys have been good on this two and a half hour trip. They were caught up in their Disney movie that was playing on the dual portable DVD players that is strapped the headrests of the driver and passenger seats. I was focused on the road and the task at hand, getting the out of the area, but I was in deep thought about what the hell I was going to do with my life.

I don't have the luxury to hit rock bottom. I know I need to keep my head above water. I'm doing the dog paddle but its like I'm swimming in place. It's sad to think that the only thing certain at this point as I drive down this highway is that if I continue to go straight i'll make it to Orlando eventually. I wish things were that certain at this present time of my life. The bends in my roads were mended in my 20's. I'm not prepared for this so late in my 30's. My career was in full speed. I have beautiful kids. I think of so many excuses as to why I can't help myself recover.

"Only if my kids were older. If my police job had better family hours. If I could be a full time dad." I have to stop feeling sorry for myself but I can't stop. The heaviness that weighs on me.

I feel I have no control of it when in fact I have all the control.  "Just pull it together Chris. Pull it together", I say to myself out loud.

I glance in my rear view mirror.  My boys are so into the movie they have no idea that their dad is talking to himself. I then glance at the empty passenger seat next to me and shake my head,"Damn it Mimie. Damn it." I say under my breath.

I place my left hand on my forehead and rest my elbow on the inside molding of the car door. Tears stream down my face.

I was going to turn around and head home. I was sad and scared of the daunting task of taking on Disney alone. It began to make me worry but before I knew it I was getting off at the Osceola Parkway the exit that will lead me to Disney.

It was late afternoon and I wanted to check into a Disney Resort property. I can only hope I can reserve a room. I had recently bought leash's for my kids. Yes, the very thing my wife and I scoffed at everytime we saw some kid in it. But I have no choice. I can't manage them on my own when they want out of the stroller.

"Okay boys we're here!", I shout. "Disney World!"

As I pulled the van into the guest only check-in parking spot I press the three buttons that automatically open all three van doors. The driver and passenger slider doors and the rear hatch.  The boys let out a collective,"Yay!"  "Mimie would have loved that",I think to myself.

As I walk to the rear of the van I grab the leashes. They are little monkey backpacks and their tail is the lead you hold as they walk. I grab Nico out of his seat. He is use to his school backpack so he allows me to slide the straps over his shoulders without a fight. The monkey has 2 snaps in the front for a snug fit.

I snap the first one that covers the top of his chest "click."

Then the econd strap that goes on his lower chest "click."

I then lead Nico to baby Christopher's side of the van. I place my foot on Nico's leash. I then hold baby Christopher in-between my knees and snap on the same monkey.

"click."

I joke to myself,"Someone please get this monkey off my back."

We work our way to the entrance of the hotel. The familiar Disney music from one of their movies is being piped over the loud speakers already.

"Hakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase Hakuna Matata! Ain't no passing craze"

I walk up to the customer service desk to a smiling Disney face. Baby starts to act up and decides he didn't want to stand around. I try to hold him tight by pulling the leash like a horses rein. He yelps trying to evade me but he's not going too far because I have tighten my grasp.

"Hakuna Matata! It means no worries for the rest of your days, It's our problem-free philosophy"

I ask the Cast Member (what Disney employees like to be called),"For a two night stay." she smiles and says," that's doable"

Nico happily sits on the edge of the counter taking everything in but Christopher has other ideas as I let go of the grip of the leash and let him roam the near empty lobby.

"Hakuna Matata! Those two words will solve all your problems"

She puts the packet of Disney fun together. The package with have the map of the hotel, park hours and Disney magic fun. I glance away from the Cast Member.

"Baby, baby" I yell,"Come over here!"

"Hakuna Matata! Yeah. It's our motto! "What's a motto?", the music continues to blare

"It's okay", the Cast Member says "We're almost done."

She gives me the room key which is a credit card.  I grab all the paperwork. I slide Nico into my left arm picking him up from the table and begin to hunt down baby Christopher.

"He's by the doors" a friendly tourist says.

I look by the double automatic doors and there he is monkey backpack and all staring in aw as the automatic doors open and close with the arriving and leaving of guests.

I bend down and grab the leash. "Ready to go to the hotel room?" I say happily 

Baby looks at me and runs away,"ahhhhhh" he shouts all the way down the hallway as I give chase trying to pick up the end of the leash. It's gonna be a fun couple of days. Two hundred and twent miles of fun.

"Hakuna Matata! It means no worries for the rest of your days"










Christopher Fusaro. The author of Captain Imperfecto.

© copyright 2012. All rights reserved.


Also see us at www.captainimperfecto.com

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