Disney Trip April 23rd, 2012
It's Sunday. No, Monday, whatever. My days are combining like sugar with water. Although I'm not making lemonade with lemons, life just handed me them. I don't enjoy this. Sitting on my ass. The only benefit I'm receiving from being home daily is being a stay-at-home dad. I wish to do this full-time, but eventually, I have to try and get back to work. Unless I win the Lotto, which I've been playing more than ever, I have yet to check a single ticket to see if I'm a winner. Right now, my motivation sucks, and my mind is on my kid's well-being. My sons seem to be okay.
Nico asks for Mama every time my cell phone rings. I keep it on vibrate as much as possible. I'm on a childcare hunt, yet I can't seem to find anyone. I need a break. I have to do something. I want to get away. I was thinking about taking my boys to Disney World, but I'm worried about doing it alone with a two-year-old and a four-year-old. All I can think of is that it will be a disaster. Their fits, the tantrums, attempting to control them in long lines just to get on a magical Disney ride. But I wanna try. I gotta try.
My days collide like the sun's rays punching through the night sky, beginning the dawn of a new day. On this new day, I'm gonna do it. Just going to pack up a bunch of clothes and head out the door.
I am traveling north on the highway towards the "mouse house," Walt Disney World, two hundred and twenty miles from where I want to be. I felt relieved as I got some distance from my own house. I was traveling blindly towards Orlando. But traveling blindly is nothing new. It's how I've been traveling through my life since March when Mimie passed away.
I had no hotel booked. No theme park tickets; quite frankly, I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I wanted to leave town, so I rushed out of my house. Not intentionally, though. My sister-in-law provided me with a maid service, which arrived sooner than the 2pm arrival time, I was told. And not just one cleaning lady but three were at my door.
"Jeez, I don't live in filth," I thought.
It's a grand gesture from Mimie's sister to hire a cleaning company. My house is a fucking wreck, and I hated for people to pop over without notice to see what has become of me by my appearance and my house's appearance. I'd rather stay safe behind my text from my iPhone 4S and let everyone assume I'm okay.
My motivation has died, and my house was a direct result of the lack there, and the cleanliness was suffering from it. I tried to at least straighten up my domicile before the housekeeper arrived. Still, I needed to be more successful in those efforts figures.
So now the cleaners see how sloppy I lived lately before I could cover up the mess. My house gives away my life of solitude. I didn't want to be there while they cleaned my rooms, judging me and my mess.
I asked them, "Could you please wait outside until I get my things together."
"You aren't one of those, are you?" the blonde cleaning lady of the three said with a smirk.
"One of those?" I said, clenching my teeth.
"Well, yes. You aren't cleaning before we clean, are you?" she said.
"Kinda, and especially now that there's three of you here.", I said with a bit of despair.
"There are three of us because we do a thorough cleaning as a start-up. It's customary, so no worries. Okay? After this, only one of us will show up," she said politely.
I said, "I'm gonna leave the house, so I'm not over your shoulder as you do your job."
As the ladies stood by outside, I frantically ran around the house, trying to gather my things to pack for my impromptu trip to Orlando.
I scooped up Nico and ran out the door towards the mini-van.
"Sorry, ladies", I said as I carried Nico to his car seat, "I didn't expect you all here so soon. I'm hurrying."
"Oh, it's okay; you're our last stop," the blonde said with a smile.
"I'm sorry for how the house looks. I'm kind of embarrassed, but I, like I said, tried to clean it before you got here.", I said, trying to mitigate being a pig.
All three women were kind. They had an idea as to what was going on in my life, with my loss. I returned to the house, opened up baby Christopher, and brought him to the van," I'm almost done, really. So sorry", I said as I walked past them.
I have never said sorry so much before in my life as I have the past month.
"Take your time, take your time." the same blonde lady of the three said. She made herself the official spokeswoman of the group.
I grabbed a suitcase and started throwing clothes in it. Shirts, shorts, socks. If it looked clean and smelled decent, it was packed for the ride. I walked out with the suitcase and announced, "All yours. Thanks for your patience. Again, I am sorry for the mess and making you wait." Ugh, stop saying sorry, I thought.
They seemed happy to see me leave, and I was glad to see them through my car's review mirror.
Finally, I was off. Of course, I didn't leave officially. I returned to my house thrice because of something I forgot. I just want to get on the road.
So far, the boys have been good on this two-and-a-half-hour trip. They were caught up in their Disney movie, which was playing on the dual portable DVD players strapped to the headrests of the driver and passenger seats. I was focused on the road and the task at hand, getting out of the area, but I was deeply thinking about what I would do with my life.
I don't have the luxury to hit rock bottom. I know I need to keep my head above water. I'm doing the dog paddle, but it's like I'm swimming in place. It's sad to think that the only thing sure at this point as I drive down this highway is that if I continue to go straight, I'll make it to Orlando eventually. I wish things were that certain at this present time of my life. The bends in my roads were mended in my 20s. I'm not prepared for this, and it's so late in my 30s. My career was at full speed. I have beautiful kids. I think of so many excuses as to why I can't help myself recover.
"Only if my kids were older. If my police job had better family hours. If I could be a full-time dad." I must stop feeling sorry for myself, but I can't. The heaviness that weighs on me.
I have no control of it when, in fact, I have all the power. "Just pull it together, Chris. Pull it together", I say to myself out loud.
I glance in my rearview mirror. My boys are so into the movie they have no idea that their dad is talking to himself. I then glance at the empty passenger seat next to me and shake my head, "Damn it, Mimie. Damn it." I say under my breath.
I place my left hand on my forehead and rest my elbow on the inside molding of the car door. Tears stream down my face.
I was going to turn around and head home. I was sad and scared of the daunting task of taking on Disney alone. It made me worry, but before I knew it, I was getting off at the Osceola Parkway, the exit leading me to Disney.
It was late afternoon, and I wanted to check into a Disney Resort property. I can only reserve a room. I had recently bought leashes for my kids. Yes, the very thing my wife and I scoffed at every time we saw some kid in it. But I have no choice. I can't manage them alone when they want out of the stroller.
"Okay, boys, we're here!" I shout. "Disney World!"
Pulling the van into the guest-only check-in parking spot, I pressed the three buttons that automatically opened all three van doors. The driver and passenger slider doors and the rear hatch. The boys let out a collective, "Yay!" "Mimie would have loved that," I think to myself.
As I walk to the van's rear, I grab the leashes. They are little monkey backpacks, and their tail is the lead you hold as they walk. I grab Nico out of his seat. He is used to his school backpack, so he allows me to slide the straps over his shoulders without a fight. The monkey has 2 snaps in the front for a snug fit.
I snap the first one that covers the top of his chest. "Click."
Then the second strap that goes on his lower chest "click."
I then lead Nico to baby Christopher's side of the van. I place my foot on Nico's leash. I then hold baby Christopher between my knees and snap on the same monkey.
"click."
I joke, "Someone, please get this monkey off my back."
We work our way to the entrance of the hotel. The familiar Disney music from one of their movies is already piped over the loudspeakers.
"Hakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase, Hakuna Matata! Ain't no passing craze."
I walk up to the customer service desk to a smiling Disney face. Baby starts to act up and decides he doesn't want to stand around. I try to hold him tight by pulling the leash like a horse's rein. He yelps, trying to evade me, but he's not going too far because I have tightened my grasp.
"Hakuna Matata! It means no worries for the rest of your days; it's our problem-free philosophy."
I ask the Cast Member (what Disney employees like to be called), "For a two-night stay." she smiles and says," That's doable."
Nico happily sits on the edge of the counter, taking everything in. Still, Christopher had other ideas as I let go of the grip of the leash and let him roam the near-empty lobby.
"Hakuna Matata! Those two words will solve all your problems."
She puts the packet of Disney fun together. The package will have a map of the hotel, park hours, and Disney magic fun. I glance away from the Cast Member.
"Baby, baby," I yell, "Come over here!"
"Hakuna Matata! Yeah. It's our motto! "What's a motto?" the music continues to blare.
"It's okay," the Cast Member says. "We're almost done."
She gave me the room key, which was a credit card. I grab all the paperwork. I slide Nico into my left arm, pick him up from the table, and hunt down baby Christopher.
"He's by the doors," a friendly tourist says.
I look by the double automatic doors, and there he is, monkey backpack and all, staring in awe as the automatic doors open and close with the arriving and leaving of guests.
I bend down and grab the leash. "Ready to go to the hotel room?" I say happily
Baby looks at me and runs away, "ahhhhhh," he shouts all the way down the hallway as I give chase, trying to pick up the end of the leash. It's gonna be a fun couple of days. Two hundred and twenty miles of fun.
"Hakuna Matata! It means no worries for the rest of your days."
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