Halloween Tales: Soul Collecting

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Nico and Christopher at the gym. October 14, 2022. 

October 23, 2022

The party ended, and everyone filed out for the night. Beer bottles littered the lawn. Solo cups and liquor bottles were strewn about the end tables and kitchen counter inside the house. Mike was excited that things were winding down so he could finally contemplate turning 40. His birthday party was a success. Everyone had a great time. Good food and good music are more than anyone could ask for. Mike began to clean up the mess.

"So much pot smell in the air," Mike said while waving his hand to air out the house.

"Well, the good thing is that you'll be high for a week," Danny (Mike's girlfriend) said with a chuckle. "And for God's sake, do that cleanup tomorrow."

"I probably should. But I hate that all this crap is lying around all night," he said while throwing bottles in a black bag. "I'll do a little bit.."

"Who's that?" His wife asked, cutting Mike off mid-sentence.

"Who?"

"A guy is sitting in our lawn chair in the backyard. I thought everyone had left."

Mike placed the bag on the floor and walked towards the sliding glass doors while peering out the window until he got to the point where he could press his face against the glass.

"I don't recognize him. But really, I wouldn't know. I was so busy. I don't remember who was here.

Hey!" Mike shouted through the closed door while pounding his fist on the glass.

The person didn't move.

"Honey, open the door."

Mike opened the sliding glass door.

"Hey you, buddy," Mike said.

The person didn't move.

"Go over there, chicken."

"Easy for you to say while lying on the couch," Mike said, frustrated. "The dudes scaring me. He's either drunk or dead.."

"He's probably drunk or stoned."

Mike walked out the door and to the edge of the patio concrete before it met the grass.

He could see the person's right leg bouncing up and down as he approached the Figure. Like a nervous tick

"He's definitely not high," he shouted.

"Go over there, Mike."

"Hey buddy, the parties are over," Mike shouted.

The Figure's leg stopped shaking.

"Hey, man. You-you gotta go," he said.

Mike returned to the patio table and grabbed a partially filled red solo cup. He then chucked the cup forward, hitting the guy in the back of his head. The liquor showered over the Figure.

"You gonna ignore me?! I'll kick your ass, man!"

The unknown person leaned forward. He reached back and feverishly shook the back of his hair. The excessive liquor scattered. Suddenly, his head rolled off his shoulders and fell towards the ground like a bowling ball rolling off a shelf. His head landed on the ground between his feet. The rest of the torso somersaulted forward and rolled about 3 feet away.

"What strain of weed were we smoking!" Mike exclaimed.

The torso placed its appendages firmly in the grass and lifted its torso off the ground. Walking on all 4's towards his own head! The elongated body leaned downward and dipped the pectoral chest forward to scooped up its head. A long, broad-like muscle in the formation of a strap reaches down like a chinstrap from the skull. The fleshy muscle head extended into the clavicle and chest, grasping firmly onto the body. The carotid arteries shot out like a runaway fire hose, spurting blood all over the place until it plunged down into the chest cavity, attaching itself to the heart. The throat and esophagus structure began to grow from the hole where the head would sit and build itself into the nasal and lower jaw regions. Muscle fibers intertwine and slowly build over the cranium and face structure. The head was reattached. Skin stretched from the body and shrank, wrapped over the head. The fire burned holes out in the eye sockets, nasal passage, and mouth, and holes appeared to be quickly filled with eyes, tongue, and teeth. The beast has risen.

Mike was speechless. He could not, would not, and did not believe what he was seeing was actually happening. Mike stumbled backward and tripped on the patio chair. He fell backward violently and broke his left wrist when he fell awkwardly into the ground.

"Ugh!" He screamed in pain.

The Figure placed the palms of its hands firmly on the ground and pushed its torso up, and its legs slowly reached upwards until it was at a full handstand. This lasted about 20 seconds until the Figures legs collapsed onto each other, transferring to the ground. As this was happening, his arms left the ground. They went up in the opposite direction until he was standing in the proper position. It was the craziest thing ever.

The beast's demeanor was wretched. His eyes are wicked. A high-pitched sound emanates from his mouth. By this time, Danny was standing up in the living room. She witnessed everything train. She turned and ran while screaming through the house and out the front door.

Mike got to his feet and turned back, but there the beast was, right before him. Mike was cornered. Too scared to run. Confrontation was his only option.

But what was this? Why now? Where did this thing come from, and why, of all nights, did it decide to come out now on his birthday?

"What are you?" Michael demanded an answer before he was dead.

The beast reached out and trapped the brown wrist. Mike trembled. The beast gently grasped his limp hand and raised his arm, placing the broken wrist against his chest.

"You forgot Michael. The deal we made for your life? It's time to pay up."

"What deal? What are you talking about?"

"This night. On your 40th birthday. It's time. Your time to go."

Mike was flustered. He racked his brain, trying to recall this deal he had made. He's not rich. Needs to be more talented. Nothing special that he can figure he has gained over the last few years that would warrant a so-called payback.

"You got the wrong person. The wrong place. The wrong time. You gotta be in the wrong backyard." Mike pleaded.

"No, this is the spot. The place where we made the deal. You know I was coming for you. Do you think I would just kill you? Take a life without rhyme or reason."

"I'm a good person. I don't do bad deeds. I beg of you to rethink your motive. Revisit and recollect whom you truly want. It's not me. Not now." Mike pleaded

"Oh, but this is the right place. The right time. And the right moment. I don't ever forget a soul. Especially a soul, which a person freely gives up. You're such a fool. But most humans are."

"Please, I'll do anything. What more do you want from me? This can't be the be-all that ends all!"

"So greedy. So naive. Usually, you'd be dead with one touch, but I'm rather enjoying this begging. It is giving me such pleasure.

Think Michael. Think why I'm here."

Michael closed his eyes, preparing for the worst. He wanted this to end. He resigned to his fate that he was going to die, but he wanted it to happen now. No more torture.

Memories of his life began to scan his mind as quickly as someone scrolled through their phone. Being picked up and tossed by his dad. His mom kissed him good night. His brother tackled him in the front yard while they played a quick game of football. His prom night and college years. The late-night office work and beers with his friends. Meeting Danielle, whom he affectionately called Danny. She was the love of his life. He remembered their wedding. The honeymoon in Hawaii. The trips over the world. The good times and the bad times. The miscarriages and loss of the one thing they truly wanted, a baby.

They had a wicked argument. Danny was upset. They lost another invitro baby.

"I'm through. I'm through!" She yelled during a fight in the kitchen. "My body. My mind. I can't do this anymore. I'm drained. Face it, Michael. We won't have a baby!"

When she left the room, Michael poured some whiskey into a glass. Shot it quickly. Took another and another- another. He stumbled out the glass doors and into the backyard. He had the whiskey bottle in his hand and yelled at the sky. "I'll do anything. Anything. Give her a baby!" He threw the bottle up in the air. It went straight up and fell straight back down, crashing over Michael's head and knocking him out cold. The beast was there. Asking him if he meant what he said and if he'd do anything "anything for a baby." Michael said yes and sold his soul. Michael realized he had made the deal.

"She's pregnant?" Michael realized and began to sob. "She's pregnant. She's pregnant. You're right." Michael cried out. "I-I made this deal. So you're here because she's pregnant."

"I knew that moment would return to you," the beast said reassuringly.

"Collect it- collect my soul and let them live," Michael cried.

"Or you cold. Well, never mind, Michael, prepare to die."

"Could what? What? Tell me. I'll do anything."

"Give me the baby's soul so that I can live on within your world. A spawn. So I can come back to the living. And you, Michael. You will be my father. You will rule until I can take over. But you will raise me with beloved Danny."

The beast let go, and Michael fell to the ground. Michael screamed in pain and looked at his left wrist. It started to heal. His flesh and bone returned to normal. Michael rose up to his knees.

The beast reached out his hand.

"Do we have a deal?"

Michael stared at him. He bowed his head and reached out his hand in agreement.

Blake and Max. Mommy capturing special moments. October 19, 2022.

1,656 words

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You're Never Alone When You have the Sea

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Nico and Christopher Jr. on a facetime with family. September 14, 2022.

October 8, 2022

The ocean is a great place to be anytime you need a moment to reflect on whatever is happening in your life. The sea is not for everyone, mind you. The sand is so clingy that when you think it's all gone, you'll find it falling out of some skin fold of your body about 2 weeks later. Sea lice, sand fleas, and tar are on your feet bottoms. Washed up man-o-wars along the shoreline from time to time. 

And we all know that plenty of sharks in the ocean and other water creatures go swimming by. But let me tell you something else about the sea. Allow me to speak about the things that make it so great. Because you're never alone when you have the sea.

The ocean is vast, and you won't understand how expansive it is until you see it. The sound of the waves lapping the shoreline can drown out your sorrows. There are no echoes, just the deep blue water absorbing your words, feelings, and thoughts. It's a magical place to be. On its surface, the ocean can be as barren as a desert, but there is much more life than in a place without water.

The ocean is unrelenting and unforgiving, much like life. Still, for some reason, it will offer you serenity and peace that you sometimes think only the dead can experience. It can take your breath away when the enormous waves and the undertow pull you out to sea. That's why one has to respect her power while observing her beauty and understanding her temperament. But the smell of the ocean can tug at your senses and offer relief from the other stressors in your life. Man, she can be a bitch. But I love her.

The waves crash along the shores on an otherwise calm day. The squeals of the seagulls cry in the distance, piercing the overwhelming roar of the ocean. So many people are sitting by the shoreline, swimming, and playing. Still, looking closely, you will see those praying by her side as if it were one gigantic wishing well.

It's romantic to be on the shoreline during a sunrise, sunset, or moonlit night. You can be there at whatever moment that brings out the romance in your life. The ocean will embrace you when you are alone just as much as the love by your side snuggling up against you. The ocean sprayed ocean water on you as if kissing you, and the liquid gently clung to your skin as a lover would. It will bring out a smile.

I read once on Twitter that this person hated the beach because it felt like camping. They lambasted all the comforts of home as they dragged a cart full of items that would envy any living room to protect themselves from the elements, they opined. 

This is true. Sometimes you have to pack. The cooler, a tent, blanket towels, and food, find your spot on the sand to set up shop. This "hassle" was too much of a burden for them. I can see where they get their dissatisfaction, but what would you expect from a novice?

Sure, I can conclude some things about the ocean could be better. And not everyone will embrace all she has to offer. But to ignore the psychological benefits you gain as you sit on the shore and breathe in that air, observe her strength, and exhale your worries is a disservice to yourself and your senses to ignore her. The ocean is the place to be. You can be on a deserted island only if you are not on a deserted island. Yes, it's the beach for me.

Maximilian, Blake and Captain Imperfecto clowning around. September 30, 2022.

618 words 

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Don't Be Like Me and Assume You are Over PTSD

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Christopher and Nico and family enjoying pizza at one of our favorite restaurants.  July 23, 2022.

July 31, 2022

I suppressed the trauma that occurred a decade ago by avoiding my thoughts of the incidents in my desire to feel normal again. If you think avoiding it was good to move forward, let's see who would want to be like me.

Over the last 10 years, I have been going about my daily life as though nothing wrong had happened. Isn't that ridiculous? To assume I could just forget about being human? I mean, I got to the point where I would talk about my past trauma to people, and I was proud of myself because I thought I was a strong person for doing it.

Self-thought- "Look at me, this badass cop moving on with his life after losing 2 kids and then my wife, nothing to see here."

These traumatic incidents weren't a small thing, but I didn't think I was deserving of such pity, so I underplayed it. The first trauma I experienced was never addressed, and the 2nd trauma took 2 years of my life away because I couldn't deal with the future, so I paused my past. I struggled to cope with the bad hand I had been dealt but felt undeserving of being helped because I thought other people were more deserving than me.

Man, I mentally beat myself up.

The fear, anxiety, and sadness of not being able to control my fate in those traumatic times took its toll on me and whittled me down into nothing. How foolish to think I could simply throw human emotion aside.

There is nothing to see here.

There was guilt, anger, frustration, bouts and bouts of extreme sadness during my era of trauma.

Eh, moving on, right?

God, what an awful experience it was over those years back in 2006 and 2012. I thought I had worked it out and understood what I went through, but now it seems I didn't beat anything. During that period, I had enough and was desperate, near my wits end, to feel normal again, so I rushed the process of coping. I put my guard up, forgone victimhood, and beat my emotions into submission for me to climb out of my hole and feel somewhat normal again. But in reality, all that work I did for myself was to fight this trauma, not heal. I wanted to beat this beast, to knock the hell out of it, so I could live a functional life by forgetting the profound aspects of the incidents. But now it seems as if that struggle to hide was all bullshit. Recently, I exposed my charade to myself and realized I had forgone my counseling to place my emotions on pause to suppress my thoughts and ignore my pain, and the peace I obtained was only temporary. I hid behind my mask by burying myself in work, school, and kids.

I did what I had to do to move forward and survive. I couldn't live that way and yearned for normalcy. The struggle back then was real, so wouldn't you rather bury it than face it?

I didn't expect that 10 years later, that emotional cap would be ripped off, allowing the demons to rear its ugly head. How could this be, though? I beat my emotions, so I thought. I moved on, didn't I? I rebuilt my life. Isn't this evident?

How could this range of emotions happen to me yet again? Well, read above again, and you'll know.

But what happens when that emotional band-aid is ripped off?

Fast forward to 2022, and one police call would tap into my mind and unleash those emotions like a well-shaken carbonated soda.

I responded to a frantic 9-1-1 call. A family was in a crisis. They were in the middle of losing their child; they hadn't known it yet, and CPR was being performed. He was a little boy, a toddler, living his best life that was tragically coming to an end in a horrible accident. And I responded to it. Although the circumstances of this family's life differed from mine, I could see our emotions were headed on a paralleled path, and I understood what would happen to them. It's a hell of a thing to witness a family's undoing in real-time. The emotion in the air smelled familiar, and it activated me internally.

Why, 10 freaking years later?!

I was professional and did what I was expected to do for the family and child, but it was breaking me inside. And continues to hurt me now. But why? I don't know them. It has nothing to do with my situation or current life. Didn't I beat my trauma? Besides, I don't get involved like this. I teach this to recruits how to understand emotion. I stress to new officers to empathize and don't sympathize. It's for one's own mental health. And yet, I'm drawn in. I want out of it. I want to escape. It's easier to read the headline and scroll past it than to be knee-deep.

But here I am, being the professional. Doing my job. Along with so many other incredible men and women on this chaotic scene rooting for him to breathe. I want him to survive. I have a little boy his age. And I know that it's not going to happen for them.

The worst fears were met. Their little boy won't return. I hope they grieve. I hope they work it out and learn to cope. Don't suppress it like me. Don't hide it like me. Live it so you can control it, and you'll never have to face that horrible moment again when you least expect it. Don't be like me.

The boys at another on of our favorite places to eat as a family. Blake, Christopher, Jr., Nico and Max July 23, 2022.

946 words

**National Drowning Prevention

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Mental Health Counseling

** https://www.counseling.org/knowledge-center/mental-health-resources/counselingawarenessmonth

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