Thursday, December 22, 2016

Christmas Observation

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Christopher (front) and Nico Disney cruising on the Dream. (Nov. 2, 2016)

December 22, 2016


Observation is a good skill set to have when you’re a police officer. The skill is honed as time on the job progresses. And it becomes a very good tool that officers can use while they are on patrol when being on the look out for unusual or out of place things.

On a Tuesday evening at around 5 PM I was parked in the parking lot of a gas station. I parked my police car in a good spot that would allow me to feel safe while I did my paperwork and I was able to watch the people come and go from this very large and busy fueling station.

My eyes trained on a guy in a blue shirt. He was around 6 foot 2 inches, thin, his white skin was weathered, his hair receding. His eyes were as blue as his shirt. I could tell he was tired even though he hadn’t left since the last time I saw him at around 8 AM that morning. While I stared at him from the safety of my police car I noticed a man hand him a beer as the man left the convenience store. The read the blue man shirts lips mouth, “thank you” and he cracked the beer open and took a gulp.

I pulled my car forward and parked. Got out of my car and walked over to the man in the blue shirt and started a conversation.

“Dude, you can’t drink that in front of the store. They are going to call the police and have me trespass you from the property.”

“I know man. It has been a long day for me.” My blue shirt friend said.

Cars kept coming and going out of the parking lot. People walked past us and only gave us glances as they walked inside. It is a busy Christmas season for sure.

“What’s your story man? Why are you on the streets?”

“This man,” he said holding up his beer.

“How old are you? You aren’t that old I can tell but time hasn’t been good on you.”

“I’m 40,” he said with a sip of his beer. “I want to be better and I burned a lot of bridges I’m just not strong enough to stop this.”

“How many rehabs have you been in? And how many bridges have you burned?”

“I have been to too many rehabs to count. But I can tell you that I burned 2 bridges. My mom and my brothers bridges are gone. They won’t help me now.”

“It’s Christmas have you thought of reaching out?”

“My mom is going to bring me dinner later. My brother, well, he’s another story. He has helped me many times. Too many times and I have hurt him the most. I have stolen from him and argued with him and he won’t deal with me anymore.”

I leaned up against the railing. The smell of gasoline filled the air. The Florida weather was too warm to enjoy the Christmas spirit of music that was blaring out on the overhead speakers.

“I can’t change your life in this 10 minute conversation when your loved ones have tried to do in a lifetime,” I said looking beyond his receding hairline and over at the people that were walking inside the store.

“But you can plant a seed,” he said.

My eyes locked in on him thoughts ran rampant in my mind trying desperately to say the right words that may help me cultivate any advice I give him that will help him survive another year on the streets.

“I have 2 sons.” I said. “I love them with all my heart and I would do anything for them. But there comes a time that I won’t be here to help them make a good decision or even the right decision. But imagine if you were my son, even though we are the same age, and I would look at you and say, ‘you son, are worthy of so much more in this hard life. Nobody can help you fight the demons that run rampant in your soul. Only you can fight to get healthy because no one cares more then me.’ I don’t know if that will help you but I do know that life goes quickly make the right choice.”

I allowed him to finish his beer. He looked at his watch and he said, “I have to go get food from my mom. She still feeds me.”

“You’re lucky you have a mom. Wouldn’t it be nice for her to have a son?”

He got on his bike and we exchanged fist bumps.

“Your kids are lucky to have you as a dad.”

“It isn’t luck. It’s hard work to raise those boys. I just want the best for them. And if I didn’t want the best for you I would have just told you to get off the property before you go to jail.”

There was a tear in his eye. He wiped his face and drove off on his bike. I turned away. “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas” began to play on the radio. I got into my police car and called my sons.

“Daddy,” the little voice said on the other end of the phone.

“Hi, son, I love you and your brother,” I said.

We talked about nothing but it was everything for me. My boys were still little boys. And my little boys had the world at their fingertips even I could see how lucky I was from my safe parking spot in this busy gas station.


I would like to wish everyone a very wonderful Christmas or Holiday. And remember to love those who make your world happy. I love the ones that do it for me with all my heart. Merry Christmas!


Pirate night on the Disney Cruise (Nov 3, 2016)

© copyright 2016 Captain Imperfecto, LLC. All rights reserved.







Thursday, December 8, 2016

Rock Bottom, a police story

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Nico (left) and Christopher playing footsies on the couch. All kids do this, right? My brothers and sister and I sure did. (December 6, 2016)

December 8, 2016


When was it when he knew that he had hit rock bottom? Was it the cold steel of the handcuffs pressing against his wrist? Or it may have been the unforgiving firmness the double strand handcuff metal that rubbed against his wrist bone that caused his dangling hands to stiffen. 

I just arrested this guy. He was in possession of crack cocaine. Up until this point this lily-white guy’s only crime was wearing a Polo collar shirt and Khaki cargo shorts and white sneakers. But in his defense his style wasn’t different from any other white guys in the year 2000.

While patrolling the streets I saw him walking away from a known drug house. They call drugs dope for a reason because this dope thought he was the only who knew where to score cocaine at 2 in the morning. The only thing that stood out differently in this neighborhood other than this dude was a house with a nicely manicured lawn.

Looking at him I knew he was a man in a time and place that is not common for others to be. He was, “committing, about to commit or had committed a crime.” I approached him as he passed under the only working streetlight, you know, that one light that lit the corner of 5th and Main. I could tell he wanted to run. But where was he going to go? He was a fish out of water with nowhere to swim. He was in a pond. He was defeated before I even uttered my first word. I had won. And he had lost. His only place to go was in my handcuffs.

So now here he was in the back of my police car. The crack rocks that was in his pocket was now in an evidence bag that I rested on the front passenger seat of my police cruiser. I nestled it between my police bag and paperwork. My criminal nestled himself in the corner of the right rear backseat cushion and his right shoulder pressed against the passenger door. The cost of his freedom was resting not far from him while he stared at me from behind the cold steel partition that separated him from me. His freedom slipping by the clear glass windows as I my car drove off passing the very drug house where he bought his addiction that would eventually cost him his freedom. The occupants inside the house none the wiser about his arrest and not really caring anyhow because they were paid in full. Only in America a drug dealer can enjoy their 4th Amendment right to commit a crime.

“Where do I go from here,” he muttered.

“Do you mean the process of the arrest? Or where do you go from here, in this life?” I asked.

I stared at him from my rear view mirror. He was a defeated man. He had nothing else to say so he stared out the window. His life was as dark as it is night.

“Can you turn up for me?” He asked.

“This song?”

“Please. It just reminds me.” His voice trailed off.

“It’s your ride my man.”

I reached out to the radio removing my hand from the 2 o’clock position of my steering wheel.

The guitar intro made the song very memorable. The flute made unmistakable it was Steve Miller Band “Can’t you see.”

I nodded my head to strum with the beat of the song. My bad guy tilted his head back against the flat portion of the bench seat. And he began to belt out the lyrics. I exercised my right to remain silent and just drove and allowed him to have this moment. After all he was headed to the rock bottom of his life and that was county jail. Was he thinking about a loved one while he belted out the lyrics to this song? Or was the crack rock his woman, "look what she's done to me." I never asked.


Our drive was just a straight shot with very little bends and turns. The steel wheels turned on my police car. His steel handcuffs pressed around his wrists. They weren't forgiving him for his sins. But in this moment he didn’t care, he just sang. And silently, I sang with him mouthing the words to the song without interfering with his fall towards rock bottom. 


Dad's being a kid too. (December 3, 2016)


© copyright 2016 Captain Imperfecto, LLC. All rights reserved.







Thursday, November 24, 2016

More Than an Ant Farm

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Nico (right) and Christopher enjoying Christmas early. Nov. 2016

November 24, 2016


I bought Nico and Christopher an ant farm last Christmas. This week our order arrived! Uncle Milton, the company, not a crazy family member.  Mailed our order that we placed back in March. Better late then never. I didn’t know much about farming ants anyhow so I had a chance to Google the process and learned! And what I found was like humans ants realize that they need a plan of action in order to survive.

I ripped open the package expecting ants to scatter everywhere!  But thankfully the ants were in a secure, clear tube, with tape fasted on the edges. Those ants looked menacing. They were rabid and ready to stretch their legs.

The ants were full of activity. So far it’s pretty cool to see them inside that 4-inch tube. I could only imagine how it would feel to swallow that thing like an aspirin. It was easy to think of all sorts of horrors one could do with those ants. Yikes!

I poured the vile like if it was a pitcher of water. As I tilt the plastic tube the ants dumped inside. Nico and Christopher watched them scatter like leaves blowing in the wind.  The ants didn’t think what there actions would be now that they were freed. Their natural instincts took over and the ants did what God intended them to do which was to adapt and survive in their new environment.

The ants immediately assessed their situation and scattered about looking for the best place to begin their new life. Once they settled on a plan I watched them regroup with each other into their designated positions and got to work.

One ant found the pre made holes I made for them and immediately began to dig its way inside. Other ants soon joined in and helped dislodge and relocate the little green gel pellets he cut loose. The other ants looked around searching for other pre made holes. The found the 3 other holes and they quickly got to work.

Within hours the holes got deeper and wider. The length plunged towards the bottom and then horizontal in the green gel as they dug deep down inside. The other ants did the same. They built and created a new home. It took time and patience but they adapted and survived.

The determination they had to plant their roots down and make a new home impressed me. Here these ants were cultivated in some lab and then displaced from a world they only new. They were shoved in a smaller vile. Mailed. And then removed again from their safety and placed into another overwhelming home. But they did what they did to survive because failure meant death and their instincts isn’t made to die but to live.

We as humans can learn from all forms of life. Here, these ants are on the lowest realms of life. They are almost insignificant in the after thoughts of other living things. And in an instant their life can be ended by the swat of the human hand and yet they preserver. They want to live and be productive in their short life spans.


I learned a lot about ants as it relates to the human spirit. No matter where we are in life there are no excuses as to why we can’t be successful on what we do. Humans are intelligent, self-aware, and have the ability to rationalize. I may not have known much about ant farming before I bought them but I know enough about them now to know that in my own life I will keep fighting no matter where life uproots me. My lesson was more than just an ant farm.


** Today is an American holiday. Thanksgiving. I am thankful to my new life. I am thankful for the people in my life. I am thankful for a job that supports my family. I'm also grateful that I have thousands of people who read about my life after all these years! Happy Thanksgiving to everyone who celebrates.



Captain Imperfecto going to training. Nov. 2016.

© copyright 2016. Captain Imperfecto, LLC. All rights reserved. 





Monday, November 14, 2016

Do- Over

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Honeymoon Disney Cruise aboard the Disney Cruise ship, Dream. November 4, 2016
Nico left. Christopher right.


November 14, 2016


I wish “do-overs” could be handed out to people like the car’s Oprah Winfrey would give away during one of her television shows as she shouts her iconic phrase “you get a car and you get a car…”

“You get a do-over!!”

“And you get a do-over!”

“And you!”

and so on.

What I'm trying to convey to you is that your current situation is not a life sentence. And that if life handed you an opportunity to reset or a "do-over" you should jump on that opportunity. 

People have hard lives and it's easy to stop participating in society. But being a victim or sitting on the sidelines and watching the rest of the people live their easy life won’t help your current situation get better. Things won't be given to you. Most people aren't born lucky. Your chances of getting a car on Oprah is like your chances of winning the lottery. The chances are slim to none. 

When my life took a turn for the worst I sat on my hands and felt sorry for myself. Eventually I found strength to go out and fight for what I believe in which was my kids.And I forged ahead taking my wife's death with me and attempted to live again with a greater purpose. Why should I continue to feel sorry for myself? No one cares about my success more than me. All my friends have moved on past my loss.

Do I have to subscribe to my misery? I shouldn't when I can acknowledge that everyone has a story to tell about grief and misery but somehow other people survived it. You are not alone. Every one of us has taken the long road before success strikes. Those moments test are ability to survive and function in this world.. So stop testing yourself and believe in yourself and get it done right the first time.  Do not resign to your fate. Just realize, YOU are worthy of good things.

Did a life lesson set you back? Push forward. Things for you are harder then they should be? Fight back for greatness. Other people seem to be more successful than you? Go out and grab success because frankly, no one will care more than you what is going on in your life. Don’t like the election? Fight for what you believe in and make the vote count next time.

I can’t pinpoint why I have such a hard time getting things I want accomplished the first time. Sure, it’s easy for me to write how positive I am in my blogs but acting on those good things is so much more fulfilling than talking about.. How do I begin to think better and change how I feel about myself when I fail?

I want to make better decisions that will stop the negativity in my life. “Achieve it, Chris.” But just the other day when I placed my faith in being positive I still failed! That makes me question why did I have faith in it to begin with when I felt deep down that being positive would magically turn it around.

Where is my motivation?

I look for the good things in life. We all go through some sort of small bouts of depression that change our way of thinking. That depression can destroy any “rah- rah” pep speech we may give ourselves in order to talk ourselves into doing greater things tomorrow.  Failing after I decided to look at life positively just to be negative gain isn’t where I want to be in this life. It’s time to just be positive that life will work out during the times I fail and I continue to believe that good things will happen for good people when those good people don’t give up.

It is okay to fear the unknown when we anticipate something will go bad during our happy moments. It is okay to get your hopes up for something that may not happen because it is the hope that releases happiness. And in that happiness we find the strength to recover if we don't get it. Not everyone is a winner. People that are winners have failed before but the key difference is that they learned about themselves in the process of losing and corrected what the needed to fix in order to achieve good things. For you to win you must work harder to believe in yourself.

I'm not all words here. I took my own advice. I have decided to let you, the readers, know what I have been cooking up over here in my world. I have decided to live life again after the death of my twins and my wife. I have to jump on my do-over before life's negativity beats me down. And by living this life I gave in and allowed my happiness to take over.

I got remarried.

I never thought a women could love me more than she loves herself and never in my wildest dreams would thing a girl would take on the responsibility of a widowed man and his 2 young children. Especially after all the turmoil I caused in my own life over the years since my wife died. The ups and downs that I fought through to find this place in my life was the hardest road I had to travel. I found a person who loves the boys and me. I decided to jump on the opportunity by doing a do-over of my life.

The only advice I can give to you is to live your life while your in the present and do your best to learn and move on from the past. Do your best to be positive because being negative is way to easy to dismiss the good you deserve. Live life without hesitation because we will never get younger. 

I’m happy. And I don’t have to pretend it is due to Oprah pointing at me and with her lovely voice yelling, “you get a do-over!” I give myself a do-over. I allow myself to be positive and I will allow myself to enjoy the good things that may be heading my way.

I'm still afraid that my happiness will be sabotaged so I'm treading lightly. But who am I to stop my future wife's happiness? That girl walked into my life and has made my world a better place. She loves those kids as if they were hers. I accept my do-over and I challenge you to do the same and to disregard whatever demon you're fighting. Now that is positive thinking. If this blog wasn't motivating enough then imagine I'm pointing at you and yelling , "You, just got a do-over!"








Taking a selfie while teaching a class. Nov. 7, 2016
Don't worry they were on break!


Christopher Fusaro. The author of Captain Imperfecto.

© copyright 2016. All rights reserved.