Negotiations

You are here: Home »  Negotiations


Christopher (left) Champ and Nico. Celebrating C's 7th birthday.


September 14, 2016

Negotiating with my sons is something I vowed not to do. I am their father, and they shall do as I say. That's a bible verse, I think? That kind of thinking is always great in jest. Still, the reality of the situation may dictate that I directly negotiate with them to devise a good compromise.


I know what you're thinking. "No good parent should negotiate with their kids," I promise you if you don't judge me, I won't judge you for not admitting to other parents that there was a time you negotiated with your kids to have a little peace. Or negotiated so you could finish your favorite television show. You could negotiate to get them off the floor of some unknown department store where the little guy or girl is causing a ruckus.  So you do everything in your power to be nice and negotiate with the little tyke because you don't want to be seen yoking your kid off the ground!

"Son, listen to me, we must go past the ice cream shop. Get off the ground, and I'll get ice cream. You like ice cream," I said, gritting my teeth so hard that I'm surprised they didn't break.

“Nope, dad. I hate ice cream.” Waa waa waa waa waa

Ignore the crying, Chris. Ignore the people looking at you; just look directly at your beautiful child kicking and screaming on the ground. Make him sweat. Get back into the negotiation.

"Okay, get off the ground, and we will stop at McDonald's. No Happy Meal. Shakes only."

“Nope it’s still ice cream.” Waaa waa waa waa

"Technically, it's a beverage, not an ice cream," I said.

He paused his crying for a moment. The word beverage threw him out of his negotiation process.

"Do you need to ask someone what beverage means, or do you trust me?"

"I trust you, daddy."

"It's a drink, not really ice cream. Maybe a thick drink made of ice cream."

“It’s still ice cream, dad!” waa waa waa

The negotiations aren't working, so I will try the old "I'm leaving now. Go ahead and roll around there all you want. I'll come back and get you later."

This should work. Good old reverse psychology. I walked around the corner and stopped suddenly. I peered behind me, hoping the sight of me disappearing from his sight would thrust him into action, and he would sprint horridly towards me.

The little guy didn't budge.

I'll wait him out – I thought to myself. I raised my arm to look at my watch and counted the time away. "30 seconds," now that ought to do it!"

I looked over, and he was gone. He wasn't running towards me. He wasn't calling my name. There was no frantic searching for me; thus, I began my frantic search for him.

I looked around the general area. I finally looked at him, standing by the ice cream store, pointing at flavors and deciding what he wanted.

"None of those negotiation tactics worked, huh?"

"The negotiations were okay, "he said, slowly enunciating the words.  "But during negotiation, you have to make them sweat, Dad. Let's have some ice cream and have a truce."


It's not ideal to negotiate with kids. The boys must do what I say. I think that's in the bible. And if it isn't, I can negotiate a compromise before Armageddon happens.



The boys and I are taking some photos on C's 7th birthday morning,




568 words

© Copyright Captain Imperfecto, LLC. All rights reserved. This material may not be republished, rewritten, or redistributed without permission.  Please contact us if you want to re-publish in film, television, or print. 





Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Far Away"

Image
You are here: Home » "Far Away" May 5th, 2012 For mommy in heaven… My kids wouldn't let me sleep last night. I kept them busy all afternoon and evening, yet they were still very hyper. I picked Nico up from school at 2:00 o'clock P.M. and decided to take them for a road trip to Broward County. It's a close drive from where we live. I am just one county over to the north. I didn't feel like going home and falling into the same routine. I wanted to stimulate the boys so that they would sleep later that night. Honestly, maybe we all could get some sleep that night. It's hard to get motivated in life when you are sleep-deprived. Nico leaves class about 10 minutes earlier than the rest of the school. Since he was a premature baby, he has had a learning delay with speech. The State of Florida placed him in a program called Early Steps. It's a great program, and it allows him to catch up to the rest of his peers academically so that by the time h...
`D

Hi Mama. Bye Mama

Image
You are here: Home » Hi Mama. Bye Mama. June 26, 2012 Hi mama. Bye, mama. And so it goes. Up the street, hi, mama, down the street, bye, mama. The boys know where they can find mommy. It's just down the road, a path we take every day. Everywhere we go. We go with the flow. Hi mama. Bye, mama. It always starts the same, the familiar path of the road the boys have become accustomed to. It doesn't matter what we do; we will always pass right on through; regardless of how we travel, mom will always be on their left or their right. She's never too far out of sight. Hi mama. Bye, mama. The boys anticipate the car ride. They look on either side as we drive by, seeking a clear view of their mama to be seen through. They eagerly await with no other thought on their plate. They are just waiting for the moment to see their number one visually. Hi mama. Bye, mama We are getting closer now; they look at Dad, their pal. Their smiles reach from ear to ear, knowing the time is near...
`D

Anatomy of a Loss

Image
You are here: Home » Anatomy of a Loss July 5, 2012 When you lose someone that you love and that you depend on, it feels like everything around you has just crashed and burned. It doesn't matter what is happening in the world because yours just got charred beyond recognition. You are forced to reprogram everything about you. Who you are. What your path in life was. The goals you had planned. Everything before the death of a loved one is scraped.  Your mind wanders about aimlessness, and you just go over your mind time and time again about how you will be able to do it. Where do you go from here? You are afraid and bewildered because you are unsure what to do and who to turn to. You find that you question God and yourself and examine everything about your life.  The doubts set in about yourself, and you want to return to the day before so badly just to reassure yourself that everything ...
`D