Voicemail

April 11th, 2012 3:00 P.M.

My oldest son Nico has been asking for "mama" a lot lately. Every time my phone text "tings" or the phone rings he says, "mama, mama".

I don't know how to respond to that. Sounds sad to say, but I just want his asking for "mama" to go away, but if that were to happen then so to will her memory so I'm stuck.

I play all my voicemails that I had saved on my phone for him so that when he asks for "mama" he can hear her voice from one of the messages that I played for him. Is that therapeutic or soothing for Nico? Or am I just teasing him. He doesn't offer me any clue to how he feels about the voicemails. I just hope I'm doing this right.

When I pick him up and carry him to his bedroom we pass 2 pictures of Mimie that we have displayed in the hallway. One is a family picture and the other a graduation picture of her in her cap and gown holding her diploma from Florida Atlantic University. As we pass by these pictures he quickly points to Mimie and says,"mama, mama." In all the years those pictures have been there on the wall he has never said anything to them or about them.

It puts me in tough spot but I stop, point and say,"yes, mama." I find myself trying to be the first to point her out before he does, but he seems to beat me to the punch every time. So I put the smile on my face for him and again with enthusiasm,"yes, mama."

Thankfully it doesn't seem like Nico can spot my despondency. Later tonight I am sure he'll ask for her again. I'll just pick another voicemail.

https://twitter.com/FusaCmee

Christopher Fusaro. The author of Captain Imperfecto.

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