June 19th, 2012
I am caught in between a dimension that separates reality and fantasy. Like a House of Mirrors, I do not know what I am truly looking at, other than myself, who is staring right back at me. I bow my head so I do not get disoriented, hoping it will disappear. But when I open my eyes, the reflection is still there, casting back my image a thousand times. I'm still trying to find the real me.
While stranded in this time and space, I wish to prove the theory of relativity among the mirrors and find a portal that I can travel through by bending time, curving it to the points of my life I long to fix. Discarding any paradox that could end a world, I feel, is already gone. I hope to intervene in fate by returning things to how they were. I have to solve my need to go back and move forward. The ability to stop the worst of our life before the best of our life begins is a world only accomplished in movies and our dreams.
Like a magician's trick, I try my best to discard the smoke and mirrors in my fun house because somewhere therein lies the truth. I want this to be an elaborate hoax. I like using my imagination to punch through the molecules of the air, splitting the atoms and fighting my way into another dimension and right the wrongs of a cruel fate. I want to bring joy back to my boys in the form of their mother. I know deep down this is not possible. I must search within myself to punch forward, not back.
I am doing what I must for my boys because that is what parents do. As their father, I want them to be happy and find comfort. That's all children wish for, comfort, which I do my best to provide as I search for the comfort I deeply desire and deserve. I must look through the heavy fog and realize my boys are my best comfort. They can brighten any day that seems bleak with a single smile.
I know what needs to be done. Where my inspiration lies. It's deep in the hearts of those boys. Ignoring and focusing on the glass mirrors should shatter everything around me, allowing the smoke to escape and clarity to begin. The goal is to make this fun house fun again because my children need to know true happiness. Like the sheer happiness a child's laugh can bring an adult, I need to allow those giggles to happen all the time and not waste a single one.
We all examine our lives at some point or another. We question how our life turns out and look back for answers. Did I make the right choices? Why did I say the things I said? The ones that got away. We have a lifetime of regret without giving ourselves credit for our successes. I need to find the success that I have had and push forward, breaking through my depression and taking the lead in life so that my boys can succeed.
"Look forward, Christopher, it's right before you; disregard the reflections around you. The true person is staring back at you."
Life is waiting outside this house of mirrors. I just have to break through.
560 words
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