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Nico and Christopher at the fair. January 21, 2023.
Sometimes, my struggles are insurmountable, and I push whatever it is out of my mind as if it is going to eventually go away. We all know that is not the case. Those issues are lingering, waiting, and ready to rear their ugly heads. Yet, somehow, I make it through. I realign myself to prepare for the next month. And so it goes as the time moves from days to weeks into months. As long as I know there is a way forward, I cannot fail.
But the way forward is a constant battle, and there will be failure. How I respond to my failure makes me who I am. One can’t sit back and assume the ends will meet without effort. You have to forecast what is coming up shortly. Unfortunately, there really isn’t any saving for a “rainy day fund when there are bills that need to be paid, kids to be fed, and a loved one to care for. The hustle never stops.
When I feel overwhelmed, and there are times that I do, I choose to win my battles of self-defeat by reinforcing my good qualities and repeating to myself my accomplishments up to this point. And that accomplishment can be anything, really. I just walked around my house. The power is on, I have food in the fridge, and my pantry is brisling with dry goods and snacks. There is running water, my cell phone is active, and the Internet is A-Okay. I feel as if I am winning.
But what is winning, really? Is getting by in life good enough to win? Of course, I would love the comfort that constant money provides to fund my future wins. Cash in an account to pay for emergencies or supplies for the mid-week. I have money to meet my colleagues for lunch. Give my kids an extra allowance for doing great school. Give my wife money to get her hair and nails done. Little things like that are helpful. But winning is also typing this blog on my desktop computer inside my home in air-conditioned. Those other things are minimal goals and a way to continue my path forward.
I don’t have to be grateful for every little minute detail of my life. Do I really pay myself for the necessities of life? This is the whole theory of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. The sense of safety, love, belonging, and self-esteem are all parts of life. My parents instilled those things in me to forge a path forward to sustain my life and have a structure to provide for my loved ones. I’m grateful to my parents and school for providing this information about my work ethic and responsibility for me to survive. But I would love to do more than simply survive.
Day in and day out, I hustle to survive in this world. I am proud of my accomplishments and my survival skills to make it here to this moment. But I realize there is so much more out there for me to do other than simply supplying myself with the basic needs of survival. A whole life out there beckons me to participate in it. But more than month-to-month is needed. I must see what is on the horizon and find a way forward so that I, too, can enjoy the finer things in life.
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