April 28, 2019
I'm a dad again. My 2 other boys were born 10 years ago, so I don't recall if I'm doing fatherhood differently in these early stages of my newest son's young life. These tiny packages are so fragile.
The thought of Nico and Christopher being the size of Blake amazes me. Both those boys are in the full swing of youth. Their legs are getting longer. The feet are bigger. Arms are stretching. And they throw each other around as if they are constantly on a trampoline. But this new tiny package can fit in a shoe box. His hands are dwarfed by the size of my hands. My fingers clumsily play with his fingers. His feet disappear in my palms. His heart is housed in that tiny chest. And every time it beats, I fall in love repeatedly.
I'm 6 foot 3 inches tall. I imagine him reaching beyond my height. He is a size that will move the air with his long gait. But this isn't a necessity or a wish list for size and strength. I want him to be better than me in size, health, strength, ability, and any current definition of a man.
I'm not isolating masculinity as a sole trait as a measurement of their manhood or containing their personality to these specific characteristics of what I feel the definition of a man should be. Simply put, all parents want their kids to be better than themselves. Whatever these 3 young boys become, I want them to have grace and humility.
Being humans, Blake, Nico, and Christopher will be fallible and will question everything I present to them. As their dad, I will guide them through their questions about how things are, what problems can be solved, and what makes life the way it is with honesty and utilizing a philosophical approach. Society will dictate what we deem as social norms and expect everyone to conform to those ideals. I won't facilitate what society considers correct by pigeonholing them to one ideology.
These tiny packages will grow and be the future as I, and this current generation, recede from our spot and be replaced by younger bodies, better ideas, and more significant dreams.
And as my tiny packages evolve from baby, toddler, kid, teenager, and manhood. My hope is that I cultivated the three into well-rounded, ready-for-the-world, focused human beings. My job is to massage that brain of theirs into thinking that they're confident, strong, brave, good-looking, have a good heart, confident, good listeners, the best, number 1, and winners. At least, that's what I hope to unwrap from these tiny packages.
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