Nico July 16, 2017. The Eye, Atlanta, Georgia.
August 3, 2017
My son Nico is a great kid. Actually, he is a fantastic kid. I was relieved when he was born because he had ten fingers and ten toes. I cried before I even laid eyes on his 4-dimensional soul because the nurse discovered his heartbeat on the monitor moments before he was born via c-section. Unfortunately, I can't say that for my twin daughters, who I lost on their birthday. Once my anxiety subsided after hearing those sweet sounds of his beating heart amplify on the Doppler the pediatric nurse held, his mom and I cried hard. I was finally going to be a dad.
When Nico was born at 6:45 P.M., I studied him and wondered if he looked like his mother or me. Actually, he looked like a larva wrapped in a blanket. Holding him in my arms is a moment I will never forget. Even now, at 9 years old, he is forever the larva in my arms, but now, he has more personality.
The one thing I long for is conversations with my son. I'm not ungrateful for his miracle life, but as a father, I want father and son discussions with him about his goals and dreams in this life. I understand my son completely. I know his personality through and through. Understanding his inner layers isn't the problem because he and I can communicate on a level we both understand, but verbal expression is complex. Nico is on the low end of the spectrum where his brain doesn't process the information the same way we "normal" people do. On the outside, he is every bit a 9-year-old kid who is enjoying his long summer days away from school. However, his brain neurons take time to grasp his fluid and dynamic environments, and he may need more time to fully grasp his situation. As a parent, I can feel as if I failed him. Other times, I need to give him more credit for his ability to perform. He has so much more strength than me.
I have learned through trial and error that routines help him understand. And he works better in a structured atmosphere. Still, I know he won't discuss why we make changes. He has learned to go with the flow. His routines stabilize his environment, but his emotional understanding is only sometimes good. Routines help him cope, but do not necessarily understand a stranger's empathic tone. Routines can stabilize his life when uncertainty looms, and he is frightened. And even if he's getting better, he may be forever lost in a world that puzzles him.
The great news is that Nico has his personality, like everyone, but I know him intimately. Every day, he gets better with growth and age. But I understand that a simple "no" can change his emotions, and he won't understand the explanation I give him as to why he or we can't do it. Or why do we need to wait 15 minutes. Giving him a different meal can alter his attitude because he has a routine food schedule. Cookies at 2 P.M. and cereal at 7 P.M. On vacation, he doesn't rely on those times. And we will only get those types of food sometimes. Parents must make those food decisions outside his regular routine to keep his meals healthy and balanced.
All this can lead to added stress for both parent and child. But as his parent(s), I have to force him to learn because he is in a society that won't be so forgiving of his lack of understanding. Children will find him weird, and parents will secretly call him odd behind his back or think I'm a terrible parent when he loses his patience. Life is fast, and he may need to catch on more quickly in mainstream life, even though he attended school at 2 years old. I have to get him to think independently to be successful in life.
"I don't know if Nico will ever function on his own when he's older," his teacher told me a few years ago. Those chilling words haunt me to this very day.
I removed him from his year-round school routine and placed him and his little brother Christopher in winter, spring, and summer camp. That forced Nico into the mainstream with other kids. So far, he has assimilated and learned to adapt with other " normal " kids."
Nico excels in sports because I chose him to learn in a group setting. And he reads well due to the constant reading we do for him every night. And his little brother Christopher doesn't go easy on him. He challenges him at every turn of this life. He's getting stronger and is an above-average swimmer. His vocabulary had really grown. Hard work by all is paying off.
Our conversations may be limited. But I have a silver lining. There is this legacy blog my boys can read when they're older. There are over 300,000 words in this blog based mainly on their lives, adventures, and dad's stories. He may be limited, but someday, they will read these blogs and forever have a conversation with me over their lifetime. Long after I'm gone.
Christopher and Captain Imperfecto chilling in dads police car. July 27, 2017.
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