Thursday, June 22, 2017

Don't Look Back

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Nico (left) and Christopher having ballon animals made table side at dinner. Can you tell what they are? (June 21, 2017)

June 21, 2017

“A little voice inside my head said: Don’t look back. You can never look back”

                                                                                              Don Henley, Boys of Summer

I think I’m better off when I don’t look back at some of the bad things that has occurred in my life. What good can come from looking back on horrific moments that brought the worst in me? The moments that make me most sad? Especially, when I have already proven to myself that I can survive and gained character and perseverance.

So I learned: move on, right?

This advice is easier said than done but when I didn’t get a lateral promotion and my boss say’s, “well we are challenged in these moments to look at ourselves and realize where we are and move forward. It will build you character.”

I told him, “coming back to work after I buried my wife and kids built my character. Not this pity stuff.”

I guess looking back now on that comment makes me sound sour. I should have just looked forward.

I would rather look forward. Take the high road and bypass the entire BS below me. I mean, that is the correct way at looking at it.

The future is brighter when I’m looking forward.

“I look forward to my weekend off “

“I look forward to my family trip somewhere on a beach or near an ocean. A trip to the mountains to play in the snow.”

“I look forward to getting paid.”

Not, “man I wish I was paid again. Remember just last week. I got paid? Looking back on it now I realize how happy I was then.”

No, not really.

Nothing good comes out of leaving a tropical paradise and then looking back at it months later and wishing I could go back to that moment. Nah, I’d rather look forward to the next trip.

When the snow melts I'd rather not remember how beautiful christmas was surrounded by snow but rather how I look forward to playing in the snow again. 

Looking back won’t resolve my pain that I still hold deep within myself from losses and other headaches in my life. I would rather grow from it and move on and look ahead.

“Lessons learned. Time to do something great!”

I don’t have to pretend my past does not exist. Looking forward and understanding why I still exist is much better then the pain of the past and asking myself, "why do I have to endure so much shit in this life."

I prefer a future. A fun future, a future with my kids and doing stuff that we enjoy doing.

Although my past contains emotional pain peppered with little reminders that will always be there I know that no one will care more than me on how well I live my life.  And I have developed a coping mechanism to deal with the baggage my memory unloads on me when I have a moment to actually think about the crap that has gone down in my life when I do look back and reflect.

But my advice will always be, " don’t look back, you can never look back."

The memories will always be there but just because they are there doesn’t mean we have to relive them. Look forward to tomorrow. You are only a paycheck or, vacation, or day off away from happiness.

In the work car. In work mode. (May 31, 2017)

© copyright 2017. Captain Imperfecto, LLC. All rights reserved.


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