And So it Goes

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Left to right: Christopher and Nico in our room at Walt Disney's Contemporary Resort

August 9th, 2013

And so, it goes on and on. Another year has come and gone. Like days and nights that fade away, it's just another point in this year's day, a week, a month that only means something to me. Those memories will never recede into tonight's darkness as this day slowly fades away.

And so it goes, my memory wanders about, wondering what your souls are doing tonight. Are you happy? Are you cold?  Are you watching your kids' lives unfold? It isn't easy to think of you this way. Still, it's always nice to know that you haven't strayed away from me because I know you're only a dream away or a thought away from keeping your spirit alive.

And so it goes, our boys are playing while you're in heaven. They're oblivious to the altered life, but it doesn't mean they don't think twice; when they see your picture on the wall, they always stop and pause, knowing you're not here. Still, they have no fear because they know you're always nearby.

And so it goes. Life is the same. Soon, I need to realize that I can't take the blame, but visualize our 2 daughters calling your name, "Mommy! Come here, just for a second; Daddy and the boys aren't in heaven. There'll be plenty of times to see them grow, but we have to go for now. But it's okay, Mommy, to sit and watch, but for now, we have to have fun. There are plenty of stores for us to shop."

And so it goes, time is unforgiving, and there's never enough time. Even from the beginning, when we first wake up to start our day, there really is no time to play, but there is always a reason to stop and think about our time together. That brings me some peace, pushing me towards a time and place that slows life down to a pace so I can appreciate this time and place.

And so it goes. Life rolls on and on. With or without you, you will always be gone. But as I move along through my good times and bad times, I'll never forget the days that we had. Those times that made us both happy and sad will forever define who I was while we were together, living a life that should have ended, but that is in the past. I'm sending this present to wish you a happy 10th anniversary.

 And so, it goes….



Written on August 9th, 2013
Published on August 9th, 2013

410 words

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