Contributing Causes

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Left: Nico, Captain Imperfecto and Christopher 

May 10th, 2013

The adventures of children are always a contributing cause. That's one of the reasons I call myself Captain Imperfecto. If not for my actions, I could prevent just 1/3 of my boys' mischief. Which, in hindsight, isn't a whole lot, but it's a start.

My boys have recently been fighting over the iPad. For a time, it was just my oldest son Nico (5) with exclusive rights to all its fun and games. But now, with Christopher, the youngest (3), becoming more tech-savvy, he wants more time with the iconic device.

I decided to delve into my safe and dig out my old iPhone G3. Yes, I gave one of the boys a small handheld device loaded with games. They think there would be less confrontation with this new toy, and they would both be happy.

The first thing I did was hook up the iPhone to my computer, which was a big mistake. iTunes locked my phone because it wasn't recognized! What? All my data saved to the phone: old texts, pictures, documents that are mine locked out?

I own that- I thought.

I took the iPhone to a local repair dealer who brought it to the back of his store. Using complicated machinery, he fixed the iPhone. His skill and knowledge of plugging in a USB port into the bottom of the phone and using a simple program to enable him access to my phone allowed me to obtain my old data. It was brilliant!

Once I had access to my phone, I started to upload new apps for the boys. I grabbed my credit card and added an App Store account. Being boys and getting into things, my boys were creating havoc in their bedroom . I quickly placed the credit card on the table and put the iPhone high on the refrigerator for safekeeping.

My sons had made a sheet cave in their room. For structural reasons, I had to venture inside their labyrinth to make sure it was safe for them. I weaved in and out from one scary section to another. At the same time, my boys hooted and hollered, trying their best to thwart my advances until, finally, I found myself all alone.

"Hello," I announce from underneath the colored sheets, "guys?"

I work my way out from under the sheets. Pulling the tied ends inwards as if the entire camp had just imploded. I started to venture to the living room when I noticed the boys were outside enjoying the fresh air. I guess the Lavender Era detergent was enough for one DAY.

Well, a good time for me to relax – I said to myself as I sat on my favorite dark brown leather chair.

My eyes wandered from the vivid colors of the television screen across the room to the top of the refrigerator. And then I noticed the iPhone was gone. I frantically jumped from the comfort of my seat. The footrest slams back into place.

"Shit, the iPhone is gone."

My adrenaline was pumping through my veins. I didn't want to lose the iPhone because I hadn't taken all the personal information of the memory dear to me yet. Damn, those boys were quick. It must have been the shiny orange safety case I applied to it that brought it to their attention.

I looked through the blinds in the back room that mirrored out into the backyard. I could see their hands. "No iPhone, damn."

A search of the house turned up negative. Not under the bed, in the bathroom, inside a closet, or behind a door. I even checked the toy box they never used. Empty. Literally and figuratively.

Resigned to the house monster eating my newly fixed iPhone, I sat down feeling gloomy and down. "What else could happen?"

At the same time, I was resigning myself to my fate; with a quick glance to my left, I noticed my credit card was missing from the table where I placed it after I entered the number into the App Store. "DAMN!"

I knew there was no way I would find the credit card after being unable to find the iPhone. The pain in the ass of it is I had just got the credit card after thinking I lost my wallet a few weeks back. My kids hid my wallet as well, which I found floating out of the gate area when I cleaned my boat. I had already canceled all the credit cards and obtained a new driver's license, so finding it was moot.

Five days passed, and I decided I would have to cancel the credit card and obtain a new one. What a hassle. Was there any good news today?

[knock, knock]

As soon as I said that, I heard a knock.

800 words

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