August 1st, 2012
Sometimes YOU just need to zone out into another world to escape yourself and your restraints of the box you feel you’re stuck in. It’s funny though, because I never know what I’m zoning out about or thinking about. It’s just empty space as far as I am concerned. Yet, when I come back to reality I am sad, because I’m no longer in my nothingness.
"Filling space until the time comes when you leave this place to venture off into another world?"
We contemplate the existence of life and where it all it began, but for most of us we try to contemplate why we, as a person, exist, and why we were placed in this world to begin with. I can take the easy route and thank God for what I have obtained in this life time, good and bad. Some may argue the fact that I am not talking to God is my problem to begin with, and I can solve all that ails me by placing my weight on him. But I need to go deeper than that, deeper inside myself.
How do you take yourself outside the box that you’re trapped in order to get a better look inside yourself? It doesn’t matter the size of my confined space. It’s always four walls and a damn lid. The walls closing in on me, purging out the air as I gasp to keep it in. I try to reposition my body to maintain what little space I have but the walls keep coming squeezing the wind out of me.
To find inner peace I must find strength to fight my way out and re-evaluate myself. Yet, my inner strength is trapped. My body feels malnourished and weak. Sweat seeps from my pores profusely saturating the cardboard but it still doesn’t make the fibers that weave the box together weak enough to push through.
The lack of oxygen doesn’t just affect my focus, but the inability to see beyond myself, when all I want to do is see the big picture. I rely on my senses but it’s masked by the stench of my body that is giving off an odor of guilt and unhappiness. Time isn’t on my side my choices are slimming down and soon I must choose.
Do I continue to be trapped within myself, in this zone? Or do I fight for a rebirth and like a new born, escape out of my confinement and view myself differently?
"I need to focus…focus…zone out and zoom in…gain clarity…break free…discover and let loose…see myself for who I am…gain control…get out…see…believe…fight to regain…get my strength…build…get up…move…slide…grow…gain insight…gain control…love…let go…
I break free and see from within my confinement and I see how strong I am. I notice the fire in my eyes, that burn with desire to succeed. I see strength that others see. I see life that refuses to die. I see the will that gives me the strength I felt deep down that I had lost. I taste the food that I couldn’t touch and it strengthens my muscles that rebuild my skin and bones. I smell roses that drown out the stench that bathed over me. I see options that were once clouded. I fight to live and regain who I once was.
I am back to reality.
I zone back in and see that I am back at my desk. My cursor blinking before me. The familiar sounds all around me. I look around and my environment is still the same. I think about why I zoned out to begin with and I…
Remember."
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Christopher Fusaro. The author of Captain Imperfecto.
© copyright 2012. All rights reserved.
Also see us at www.captainimperfecto.com
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