The rain drenches me, and my misery soaks it up like a sponge. I truly understand the meaning: "When it rains, it pours." The raindrops saturate my body, leaving me feeling helpless and cold. I strip out of my clothes, exposing myself to the elements. I am surrendering to the power of the rainfall. Thus, I leave myself vulnerable to all those who wish to stop and stare, but I do not care.
I don't run for shelter in the storm. I'm in the center of it all. I am the eye of this disaster that is waiting to make landfall. A hurricane warning has gone up all around me. I churn in the water, producing steam, slowly building up the low pressure, and moving my body into a position that causes destruction. My outer bands stretch far beyond my nucleus, touching the lives of others. Some of it is a good touch, but other times, it's a lashing out, causing a total disaster. I need relief.
I just want to heal. Heal those around me and be happy again. Give way to the sunlight as it breaks through these dark clouds. Allow those to enjoy what used to be, even though there will never be again before the gray skies. There are white caps from fierce waves and a surge of emotion, a danger on my surface. I want the seas to be calm so my loved ones can play again. So they can enjoy the day rather than always being afraid of the dark clouds in the distance. Beneath the surface, I bury more emotions in the abyss of my loneliness. It does nothing but churn the tide.
I look forward to the day when the light stays on rather than flicker between loud booms of thunder and despair. The light flashes, like my life, before my eyes. Like a child, I count my Mississippi 1 and Mississippi 2 to gauge how long I have before the clouds reappear and change the day to gloomy. I hope the breeze will come along and push the clouds away, avoiding what nature aims to bring me.
But I know that will only happen if I am in the eye of the storm. Under the false pretenses of a beautiful day. Because there is nothing but chaos all around me while I stay protected in the eye's cocoon. I will only be safe if I move within it, but I can not live this way. I have to pray for colder water so that it will lessen the strength and power that is pushing against me. Every time I think I made my exit, the storm acts like two magnets. It bounces me around inside, never allowing me to get out of the continuous cycle.
It's my heart and soul that I want to reconnect to make my own storm. My heart to make it through the storm and my soul to recognize who I once was. Only the loss of someone can tear such things apart. When the loss occurs, you are blinded by the high winds and stinging rain that aim to make things more miserable. Even though you realize that deep down inside, the fear paralyzes you from reacting to it. I feel better off drowning at sea than fighting such a battle.
Leave it to the weather person to ruin a day you expected to turn out perfect, especially at a time when you try to remain positive.
[voice over]
And now, for the best coverage in town, from the newsroom to the street to the political arena, Channel Four has it covered for you. We are first with news and first with weather. Now, our Doppler Four weather woman, Patty Pouper. Weather first, then news on today's tragedy, Patty.
"Hello, everyone. Patty Pouper with today's forecast. It's tiredness with a chance of sadness as depression is expected to move in later in the day. Expect choppy seas later, and be prepared for a broken heart. The chance of rain is high, with no light to dry it up and make the rest of the week tolerable. Save your time with an umbrella to shelter yourself from the storm. It will only delay the inevitability of falling over with no chance of getting up."
The weather is challenging to predict, even with today's technology. And no one can predict how the future will unfold. No one expects a hurricane to be named after them, but eventually, everyone will have that woeful distinction. And the vulnerability of everyone staring at you while your life plays out in anguish. You can only hope that people will understand rather than relate because who would want to relate to such destruction? You just have to learn how to weather the bad times and get out of the eye of the storm before it's too late to see the beauty that occurs after a storm. The beautiful rays of hope.
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Truely believe that when it rains.. it pours.
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