July 18th, 2012
I'm falling into the black hole of uncertainty. I lost my footing months ago and have been falling ever since. Being on the edge of a life-changing moment is enough to rattle the brain. And when you slip, you hope to find the bottom in a shortfall, where you'll land ever so lightly. Every day, we flirt with disaster by teetering on the edge.
The panic sets in when you feel your body being pulled into the deep tunnel of the unknown. You reach out with a sense of urgency, grabbing hold of the ledge. Your feet are swallowed first, and while they dangle beneath you, your body instinctively kicks feverishly at the sides of the wall, where the balls of your feet slip. With a sense of urgency, you beg God for some traction. Your fingertips plant into the ground as you try to anchor yourself in. You're grasping with all your might, trying to find the strength to pull yourself up. Your breathing is deep and rapid as you exhaust all your energy. You cling with all your might while resting your chin on the flat surface, looking for someone, a loved one, or anyone to come to save you, but you're all alone. The fear sets in because you can't do this alone. You wish you were treading water where at least you'd have a fighting chance to stay afloat, but you know now, in this predicament, there is nothing below you, and your fate is unknown.
You ask yourself, "How did I get here?" You try to negotiate for a white knight in shining armor to come and save you. You plead your case before you are judged, hoping for a pass.
"God, if you save me, I promise I'll be good. I'll never do the things I did before. I got here in this situation. Please believe me that I did not intend for things to happen. I beg you for the strength to pull myself out. And I will be a better human being for it if you find that you can help me. Please, God, just give me a chance to fix it."
Silence…
…A breeze fills the air…
The trees sway….
…The horizon fades in the distance on this clear day.
Calm sets over you as you maintain your position, perched squarely on the edge. Your partial torso rests against a mound of dirt that jettisons out, partially giving you a little bit of relief. Your eyes are closed as you imagine what heaven is like. You feel your body getting weaker by the second. Your fingers begin to buckle from your weight because your feet can not find a wedge to place them in to alleviate some of the load off your fingers. You open your eyes and look to the sky, taking a deep breath where you begin to blurt out, "I put my faith in you!" and then…
You let go…
…Your fingers pull the dirt as your fingers rake across the ground, and the free fall begins…
The particles of sand showering you with debris that covers your face…
…the exhilaration of the free fall overtakes you
Screams begin to brew from deep within your gut as it's forced out of your mouth. Your screaming is swallowed by the deep crevasse of the never-ending free fall. Your voice gives out because of the beating your vocal cords just took from the excessive vibrations from the yelling. The only sound echoing off the walls now is the wind from your body cutting through time and space, displacing the air as it bounces off the walls and whistles loudly in your ears.
The light disappears as you fall deeper into the abyss. You appeal again for the greater good, bargaining for a chance to save your life.
Your body picks up speed as your heart pounds so hard you can feel your chest move. The decision comes that if you want to change things, you have to do it yourself. So you stretch your arms out like wings and glide your fingertips against the wall. They bounce off the rough edges of the uneven surface until the skin breaks and you start to bleed. Strength builds in your muscular system, and you refuse to give up, yelling, "NOT TODAY!"
Your body jumps from its slumber. You inhale deeply with relief that it was just a nightmare. The feeling of falling and suddenly waking in your sleep.
There is still only silence as you look around your dark room, pausing to take in the dream you just had. It seemed brief, but hours have passed since you closed your eyes and fell asleep.
While sitting up in your bed analyzing what just occurred, you realize that you may be in a decent that seems endless in real life, but there is a way to stop it. All you have to do is do it for yourself. And when you suddenly stop the madness, you wake up from your sleep and realize you still have a life to live.
So live for the greater good, your God, and the ones you love.
860 words
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