The Adventures of Captain Imperfecto

You are here: Home » Water Bottles Make Good Squirt Guns Too Christopher sleeping in the boat cabin April 1st, 2015 I opened the colorful, Frozen movie-themed gift bag to find candy and a toy water gun. I sat back in my chair and stared at the water gun. It was a hard plastic, see-through, orange casing. The trigger was black, and a bright green drain plug was on the side where I could add water.  There was no way on earth to mistake it for a real gun, but I still paused and thought, “Do I want my son to have this water gun?” My son, who didn’t hesitate, placed a finger on the side of the bag, ripping open the paper bag. The candy and play water gun spilled like a torn open piñata. He happily bent over and picked up a Blow-pop, lollipop, and the water gun. He properly grabbed the toy water gun handle and pointed the muzzle towards the ground. As if he was going to shoot water on the candy. I thought to myself, “I’m a cop, and I never showed him how to hold a real gu...

You are here: Home » The King Nico (foreground) Christopher checking out a big rig March 24, 2015 I took off an entire week in March to spend it with my sons during spring break. "Hear ye, hear ye, the King is remaining home so he may care for the Royal children, Nico and Christopher, for a week!" In a blog, someone referring to himself as "The King"  would not be subjected to the ongoing of 2 little mischievous boys. However, for this blog, the King refers to the lord of the Manor, the One, who only pays the bills. "Henceforth, I shall forgo my title of Captain and take the name of The King for this blog only  so as not to  confuse my 100,000-plus readers! Sorry, LeBron, the King of basketball, and I am really sorry, Prince Charles, whose mom may outlive him and his future crown." I like being home from work. Lounging around in my boxer shorts is my "smok...

You are here: Home » Snow Angels Christopher and Nico in Gatlinburg, TN March 5, 2015 My son Nico turned 7 this past February. The only good thing about him being a Leap Year baby is that he's technically only 1 and a half. If you think about it in Leap Years, I haven't aged between 2008, 2012, and   2016  years . My son is on the Summer Olympics' 4-year rotation.   He will keep me forever young because when I'm in a nursing home at 80, I can brag I have a 12-year-old! They'll never let me out of there. This year's birthday, the Florida boy wanted to see snow. Snow isn't easy to come by in the Sunshine State, especially South Florida, where it hasn't snowed since 1977. Had we been living in the northeast, around the Massachusetts area, he'd have had his share of snow to last him a lifetime. Most people in the northern states have had their fill during this 2014- 2015 snow year. Starting a new year out as Snow Angels may help give us good l...

You are here: Home » Lessons in Dog Years Christopher (left), Captain Imperfecto, Nico Training Grounds February 23, 2015 My face is changing. When did I morph into this thing I stare at the mirror every day? The only things in this world that don't notice my changes are my kids and my dogs. To them, I will live forever. I remember when my parents seemed invincible. One day, when I was about 10, I discovered that all things die. You see, we had a beautiful Afghan dog named Raja. One day after arriving home from elementary school, I saw Raja lying on the backyard's green grass. In fact, he was sleeping in the greenest spot in the entire yard. However, my dog never came to greet me when. Raja never walked into the kitchen to lick up the crumbs that fell off my afterschool snack. Oddly, Raja was ignoring me. I walked towards the large sliding glass doors. I pressed my head against the glass and peered at my dog behind my imaginary force field. I tapped the glass, hopin...

You are here: Home » Green Thumb Left to right: Nico, Christopher, Captain Imperfecto remodeling house February 18, 2015 The birth of children and raising them, such as my boys, is like planting little seedlings that will eventually grow into vigorous, rooted, grown-up plants. Do I need a green thumb to raise my children? Only if raising them was as simple as adding water to their little souls, which are embedded beneath the soil of a flowerpot. Allow photosynthesis to occur for their developing efflorescence. Provide them with light and minerals for solid growth, and wallah! My boys are all grown up as quickly as plants. And with some care, nurturing, sunshine, water, and food, they have shot up over these past few years. So much so that Nico is already towering his little head above the dining room table. What a growth spurt these two have had over the last few years. "Ho, ho, ho, Green Giant!" A throwback to that old commercial about Green Giant frozen vegetabl...

You are here: Home » Happy Valentine's Day Christopher and Captain Imperfecto February 13, 2015 This is a satire It’s Saint Valentines Day, February 14 th , for many people around the world who will be celebrating that little bastard…err cherub. Why is it only Christmas that has one miserable old man, Ebenezer Scrooge? For, Saint Valentine’s Day, has so many more miserable people, at all ages, who will just say the same thing that old geezer has been saying for a century on the Christmas holiday, “Bah! Humbug!” Maybe you’re single, in a divorce, crappy relationship, or just not happy with who you are with. Being uninterested or uninteresting can make a lot of people feel unhappy. So we should all start by loving ourselves. That is right! You have tolerated yourself for years! When, maybe, others couldn’t tolerate you for decades. So why not celebrate all things you this Valentine’s Day? Buy yourself some chocolate. Go eat some ice cream. Find some flower ven...

You are here: Home » The Competition Nico and Christopher February 9, 2015 I hear a ruckus that startles me from my sleep. The pounding of feet on my wood floors can be heard throughout the house. I’m scared shitless. I’m afraid to move in the slightest, so much so, that I don’t even blink.  I know that hiding under my white covered down comforter isn’t going to save me however, it doesn’t stop me from trying to slowly cover my face with the very movement I’m trying to avoid. My thinking is if I can hide myself, maybe if I stay hidden, I won’t be found by anything or anyone. That whoever or whatever is just beyond my bedroom door, will just go away. My heart races fast as it pounds in my chest as I begin to slide the cover over my face. I’m sure the beating of my heart can be heard a mile away making coving my face a moot point. Surely, my beating heart is going to give me away anyhow. The blood is coursing through my veins and I start to perspire as if I was runni...

You are here: Home » No Expiration Date Front: Nico and Christopher on their new bikes January 21, 2015 The other day, I was talking to a man while we stood in line at a convenience store. I struck up the conversation by commenting how funny I thought his son was grabbing all the candy from the shelf for his father to buy. "How old is   your son," I asked. "He's 2," the proud father announced. "I can't even remember my kids being 2; they are only 5 and 6!" I said. And that statement is so true. I zoned out while I waited my turn to buy my sandwich and thought about my sons at the age of 2, and for the life of me, I could not recall them at that age. It is as if the three years passed were so long ago.  I felt terrible that the age of 2 might come across as insignificant. It's incredible how much time can cross your mind when you're the third person standing in line to purchase your items from a gas station store. At my son...

You are here: Home » Sightseeing. Captain Imperfecto, Washington, DC January 13, 2015 HAPPY NEW YEAR! How many times do we take the time to observe people on our vacation?  There were so many faces around me during my 6-state cold-weather vacation, about 1,000 miles away from my home, back in Florida. When I write that, I think, “Damn, it’s nice to get away from the constant, warm sunny Florida days to visit the cold in late December.” And it’s true. On this trip, I interacted with so many people daily that I wondered if I would ever reencounter them. They were alive and well before I met them, and I’m assuming they are alive and well today. However, they are so far away, and I don’t even know their names, so they might as well be long gone. The list goes on and on of all the people I encountered on this Thelma and Louise ordeal, of people behind the scenes that didn’t involve isolated witnessing a spectacular monument or breathtaking scenery. The interactions with p...

You are here: Home »Bye-Bye, 2014 Left to right: Captain Imperfecto, Nico and Christopher lazy day. December 27, 2014 Will my kids remember anything of 2014? They're just 5 and 6. So much has happened this year, but the only thing that was important to them was their 100-yard safety zone, which expanded the circumference of the house. "Dad, where's the boat?" Daddy, what happened to the boat?" "Daddy, is the boat broken?" That may be my quote of the year. It's good to know that in my boy's short life span, the only concern for them is the horror of the boat being gone. Just to remind you. This year, I invested in a 30-foot boat. It's a money pit for some but a lifestyle for us. But there were other terms used by my boys this year. "Daddy, shut up." "No, daddy." "Leave me alone, daddy!" This has been the year of sitting down and trying to talk or even compromise with my boys instead of applying corp...

You are here: Home »Let Christmas Left to right: Sugar, Christopher, Champ and Nico December 23, 2014 I’m attempting to extend the Christmas holiday. I’m strictly playing Christmas music in my car. I’m looking at Christmas lights, on the neighborhood houses, longer then I use to, and dare I say, I’m sitting through Christmas commercials in their entirety.   I have never been into Christmas in such a way since my youth. As I got older and more into my police career I had to work holidays and weekends. The days I worked Christmas numbed me from all the nostalgia I once had as a child.  For a kid growing up in the tradition of Christmas I simply didn’t want Christmas day to end. What kid ever does? The food, the joy of writing a Christmas list from Service Merchandise catalog, the lights and Christmas trees made the time more memorable. The time felt magical more so than religious. Being a product of divorced parents Christmas was about the only t...

You are here: Home »Deaths Indigestion Left to right: Christopher and Nico December 5, 2014 I woke up at 4 A.M. early Friday morning. It was the day after Thanksgiving, and my stomach still had the overwhelming feeling of being full from a whole day's worth of overeating. Due to that overeating, I thought my sudden awakening might have been brought on by indigestion. After all, I did consume two meals from two different households, about six hours apart. That led me to wonder which house chef was at fault for my bad night's sleep. After mulling around in my mind for around a half hour about the different foods prepared by the other cooks in their respective homes, the faces of my family replaced the pictures of food floating around in my mind.  My sister's face revolved around my memories of turkey and pies. Even though she didn't peer much into the dining room while she prepared a thankful dinner, I still remembered seeing her glance up from her heavy cooking. A...