Monday, December 16, 2013

Wisdom

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Left to right: Nico and Christopher checking out a Steam Engine at a train museum



December 16th, 2013


Round and round life goes. I can just watch from the sideline or I can get involved. But participating can be hard when I’m faced with an emotion that I never had to worry about before. For instance, I have never experienced these long bouts of sadness. I’m not built that way. I was wired to be fun and outgoing and yet I can’t find a way to tap back into that.

I have struggled with this unhappiness since last year. I can pretend that I’m happy and slap a smile on my damn face to pretend that all is well in my life. But then I’m reduced to being like all the fake people on Facebook who like to brag how great their life is. #blessed #lovemylife #happilymarried  

I suppose I’m pretty cynical now. However, I’m keeping my emotions real.

I hate having a good week followed up by a few bad extra weeks. I would think I could simply undo the rewiring over the past year and simply find my old self under this exterior. Maybe the wiring has hardened? I don’t want to be that person who can turn a good situation into a bad time. That is not my intention if my mood swings in another direction. And no, I’m not bi-polar.

I see promise in the path my life is taking, so far. And I’m lucky to have found someone that is looking beyond who I have become today. She is seeing the man I am, inside and out. I’m beginning to think I’m becoming a lucky man. #Grateful ?

I’m definitely a good guy. I love my boys; have a good job, people supporting my writing efforts, and someone who I know I can depend on by my side. Now I just need to get on board the wheel of life and allow it to travel the route god intendant it to go. The direction it rolls is one less traveled so I need to expect there will be fresh bumps on the road. #Life

When the ground becomes rough then I’ll search for the smooth rails of a train becoming the engineer of the large machine and glide myself into the path of least resistance. When those train tracks end I’ll board the nearest plane, grabbing the controls of the beast and pilot my way to higher altitudes as I cruise my happiness to my island of dreams. I will control the negativity and leave the pain and suffering behind. #planestrainsautomibiles

Wow. Sounds like I’m living in a perfect world of self-help. Of course I chuckle to myself. If being happy were this easy then who would need the Tony Robbins in this world? In all this thought process I spew out in this blog I just long to find me. #lost

I’m the happy-go-lucky guy who sees the glass half-full. I find enjoyment in a good movie. Who appreciates freshly popped popcorn. I can be appreciative to a good woman that provides comfort and understanding to my misgivings. I can see the beauty in nature and imagine what it’s like to live in the green side of earth.  I’m finally finding the wisdom in words from a good book. Sad, it only took me 40 years to find enjoyment in reading. #words

While life turns and moves forward I realize it will keep going even after I’m dead. So if it’s turning while I’m alive I should chase after the turning wheels and enjoy this thing because whether I decide to or not the human spirit will move without you.

I’m beginning anew and I should be grateful that sometimes life gives you a second chance at happiness, self-worth and pride. I don’t need a self-help guru to remind me of that.

#wisdom


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