Nico (left) and Christopher having ballon animals made table side at dinner. Can you tell what they are? (June 21, 2017)
June 21, 2017
“A little voice inside
my head said: Don’t look back. You can never look back” –
Don Henley, Boys of Summer
I'm better off when I don't look back at some of the bad things in my life. What good can come from looking back on horrific moments that brought the worst in me? The moments that make me most sad? Especially when I have proven that I can survive and have gained character and perseverance.
So I learned: move on, right?
This advice is easier said than done, but when I didn't get a lateral promotion, my boss said, "Well, we are challenged in these moments to look at ourselves, realize where we are, and move forward. It will build your character."
I told him, "Coming back to work after I buried my wife and kids built my character. Not this petty stuff."
Looking back on that comment, I realize it makes me sound sour. I should have just looked forward.
I would instead look forward. Take the high road and bypass the entire BS below me. That is the correct way of looking at it for my sanity.
The future is brighter when I'm looking forward.
"I look forward to my weekend off."
"I look forward to my family trip somewhere on a beach or near an ocean. A trip to the mountains to play in the snow."
"I look forward to getting paid."
Nothing good comes out of leaving a tropical paradise and then looking back at it months later and wishing I could return to that moment. Nah, I'd instead look forward to the next trip.
When the snow melts, I'd rather not remember how beautiful Christmas was surrounded by snow but how I look forward to playing in the snow again.
Looking back won't resolve the pain that I still hold deep within myself from losses and other headaches in my life. I would instead grow from it and move on and look ahead.
"Lessons learned. Time to do something great!"
I don't have to pretend my past does not exist. Looking forward and understanding why I still exist is much better than the pain of the past and asking myself, "Why do I have to endure so much shit in this life."
I prefer a future. I want a fun future, a future with my kids, and doing stuff that we enjoy doing.
Although my past contains emotional pain peppered with little reminders that will always be there, I know that no one will care more than me about how well I live my life. And I have developed a coping mechanism to deal with the baggage my memory unloads on me when I have a moment to actually think about the crap that has gone down in my life when I do look back and reflect.
But my advice will always be, "Don't look back; you can never look back."
The memories will always be there, but just because they are there doesn't mean we must relive them. Look forward to tomorrow. You are only a paycheck, vacation, or day off away from happiness.
500 words
In the work car. In work mode. (May 31, 2017)
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