Friday, December 31, 2021

Health Positivity

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Max, Christopher and Nico. Halloween Hayride. October 2021.


December 31, 2021


I have had healthier times in my life. These times have come in phases much as like we enjoy categorizing past decades.  There was my invincible youth phase.  My “I have good genetics so I hardly get sick” phase and now as I get older I’m at the “every ache and pain is some sort of end of life” phase.  This phase is basically making me a hypochondriac. 

The last couple of weeks however my health has really beaten me up. I am now in the “what the heck is going on with me” phase. My health concerns have humbled me because I feel and look relatively healthy.  But like those noises a house makes while it is settling in the middle of the night, every new creak and bang my body makes grabs my attention and I always assume the worst is going on with me. 

Heading into the 2022 seems to be directionless when it comes to being healthy.  Everything is influx as I journey into January due to Covid and natural causes God gave me during creation that seems to be bubbling up with my age. At this point in my life I realize that health is everything. Just as I realize that sticking to my one job was beneficial for job security and a pension.  Good health is bankable. It is better than money.  Good health is priceless. Good health though, doesn’t mean that unknown factors won’t decide to take out your inner workings. No matter what strict diets you have had during the decades of your life. 

I’m sure this New Years I’ll make the same cliche resolution of being healthier in 2022. I can control my food intake and exercise regiment.  My resolution should really be being better at controlling all of my cravings and lack of motivation.  

With Covid running rampant throughout the world any new cold or cough is masked by announcing to everyone “Covid!” when I sneeze. Of course it’s in jest so I am not judged or questioned and people still chuckle.  I still don’t want this virus to be part of my daily health concern in conjunction with other health ailments I wrongfully suspect are affecting me.  

The difficult thing is that who the hell knows what is going on if the problem is internal.  Recently I had a kidney stone.  The damn thing came out of knowhere.  One moment I am driving home and then suddenly I am parked on the side of the road waiting for paramedics to come. You know how scared that makes you because who knows what the hell is going on inside yourself? 

“Doctor it’s cancer isn’t it?  Isn’t it?!” I demanded to know from the ER doctor.  “No,” he said.  “Cancer, in this form of pain, doesn’t come out of the blue like this.  Calm down.” 

I needed x-rays and CT scan in order to facilitate what is going on inside my own body over several days during the 2nd week of December.  Not having control of my internal workings is nerve racking. I don’t want my body to give up on me because I won’t give up on my body. 

While I laid in the emergency room at my local hospital in a gurney along the wall, spot 39A, I was told to be prepared, I was going to have surgery to insert a stent into my kidney and bladder.  I was alone, scared, and no one could see me because of covid restrictions.  There is nothing more inhuman then hospitals self imposing restrictions on people who are sick and or dying and left to be alone in their most vulnerable moments.  Someday there will be reckoning for people who allowed people to suffer without their loved ones to support them. 

Nurses and doctors shuffle past me. Phones are ringing. Machines are beeping. Other patients are moaning and I reflect on the term, in good health.  I suddenly take it to heart because health is a gift you can give yourself.  There’s no reason for me to be in this spot.  It was my poor diet that created a kidney stone so large my body will not pass it. The stone gave me a kidney infection and 3 visits to the emergency room over 5 days due to excruciating pain.  The pain was so great that if I was being tortured to give up information, well, I would have given everyone up. 

The end of the year is here and my health has seen better times.  I have a need to get better and stronger in 2022.  I can’t control everything and I know that some aches and pains are natural as I age.  But with Covid out there I don’t need any other trips to the ER where I know I will be alone and deserted because my loved ones will not be allowed to see me. I simply need to get my health back to the times when I wasn’t concerned with every muscle spasm I received. A healthier time doesn’t have to be some sort of phase. Health is something to strive for everyday.  I can tell you that I’m healthier now than I was a few weeks ago and that ain’t bad heading into a new year.  Time to enter the phase of health positivity.  



Blake hanging out while a sandbox was being built. December 2021. 


Have a safe and healthy 2022.  I wish everyone the very best.  We can pull through.  Happy New Year! 


 



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