Nico (left) and Christopher at a Christmas Ice show in Orlando, T'was the Night Before Christmas
Without looking over my shoulder I reached out my arm and
with the very tips of my fingers I pressed the snooze bar on my alarm clock. I
never once open my eyes, I don’t need to know the time. It’s 6 A.M. I know the
dreaded time has arrived when I have to place my weary feet on the floor and
start my day.
I’m enjoying what little rest the snooze function will
afford me. The countdown has begun though, from when I hit the button and the five-minute
buffer before that annoying, “beep, beep, beep,” noise begins to pierce my
ears. I long to keep my eyes tightly shut and fall back to sleep while I continue
to do my best to forget that I have to start my day. Someone has to pay the
bills until I’m rich or win the lottery.
“Man,” I think, “there has got to be like three minutes left
of rest here in my bed,” I said to myself. “Dream Chris dream, dream of
something good with your fleeting minutes.”
But I can’t dream, I can’t rest, the anxiety is building.
There has to be two minutes left on my snooze button reset. This anticipation
is grueling. I open my eyes and stare at the wall. Slowly the low light of the
alarm clock reflects back at me, and yet, I don’t look back at the time. I am
determined to rest. Sleep like a bump on a log, what the hell does that even mean,
for at least the one minute and half that I have left, okay maybe one minute
and ten seconds.
I know, I could hit snooze again my situation isn’t
absolute. But if I continue to stall I may have to sacrifice some things, like
coffee, I can’t do that. Maybe I can forgo brushing my teeth by eating a piece
of gum as a substitute. Wait do I have gum? Forget it, no I won’t brush my
teeth if it means I can snooze, again. No matter how disgusting that may be.
But why not brush my teeth when I go pee? I have to pee; it’s a daily morning
ritual. Unless, that is I could pee outside by my car on the way out the door
for work. What about brushing my hair? What about it, Chris, you’re bald. True,
okay then, where else can I cut corners to extend my snooze?
Too late, I can’t figure out where to cut any corners I will
just have to force myself up when that alarm goes off in 25 seconds. At least I
think it’s 25 seconds, more like 20 now, going on 15 counting down to 10, 9, 8
,7 ,6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1….Wait, no alarm? Hmm I must have my time off, the alarm
should be going off….
<beep, beep, beep, beep>
There it is! I just want to go to sleep forget it, stop
torturing yourself, Chris, just snooze again! But no! I won’t I’ll just get my
butt up and be grateful that I can start a new day.
I sit up from my bed. The room is so cold, but baby my
sheets are warm. I just got to ignore the calling of my bed. Forget that pillow
I don’t want it! I don’t need sleep, I’m a beast, I’m an animal, I can get up
and do this by taking on my day and head to work like a champ!
Wait, I just realized, I’m off today.
Captain Imperfecto needs a selfie stick
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