It's time to move forward and blog about life's journeys, discoveries and my short stories I have always wrote.
I will always be Captain Imperefecto because I lead an imperfect life.
They were our daughters. We saw them grow each week from the second we saw them lying side-by-side in the womb to the moment the ultrasound technician showed us their faces on the monitor; we knew that they would always be a part of us. A part of her.
Six years have passed, and yet, there will be years seven and eight without knowing who you were outside, the life you saw inside, and your mom's womb. And now your mom is gone, too. She is in heaven, holding you the way I had you the day you were lost forever. I hope the warmth we transferred to you through our love and care is now being given to you by your mom as you gaze down upon me from heaven.
Although you aren't here for me to watch you grow, you have grown in my mind, soul, and dreams.
Gabriella, I hold you close. I run my hands through your hair and see your mother in your eyes. I rub your face and kiss your nose. I love you as I did the first day I held you in my arms, the same as the last day I had to give you back forever.
Sophia, I hold your hand and rub your fingers and toes, which look like your mom's. I kiss your cheeks and rub my hands along your face. Your green eyes are as beautiful as your dad's. A space in my heart will always be hollowed out the day I handed you (both) to the nurse.
Time has passed, but the thought of you will be everlasting until it is my turn to leave this earth. No matter how many people tell me about the healing power of time, the days and months turn into years. Your memory still brings me to tears, while others have forgotten you as these years will eventually multiply into decades, proving that the one and only true thing about time is that it waits for no one. How cruel it can be.
Your birthday's here, and there isn't cake, no wishes to make, or toys waiting for you this morning when you wake. But I know you're in good hands in heaven because Mom is there to open the gift of love, just as it would be if we were all here together celebrating your day with good old-fashioned laughter, cheer, and a little happy birthday song, that you'd have to sit and listen until it was done.
The years have passed without you here, but you will always grow into the beautiful lady I knew you'd always be. Now, you have your mom to celebrate this new year.
Until I see you, just remember, you are always here in my heart.
Just a glorious day on my boat adventures with the boys, but man, this damn boat has been a headache since I've purchased it. However, despite all the issues I have with owning a boat, I do love it. I'm just a glutton for the punishment owning a boat puts me through. You know what they say the boat acronym stands for, don't you? Break Out Another Thousand. Boy, that ain't lying. The problems have just stemmed from trailering the damn thing. If it wasn't for driving the boat across the land to get to the water, we'd be just fine.
On day two of consecutive boating, things have been great. I dropped the boat in the water by the docks.
"Nico! Sit back, daddy can't see, sit back, Nico. So daddy can see that outside side mirror."
The trailer hits the water, and the boat enjoys its bath as it's finally in its element. I jump out of the truck and walk to the head of the trailer, where I will release the boat fully into the water.
"Christopher! Get back in the truck until daddy's finished," I loudly announce.
The boat settles in the slip, and I moor her to the dock deck. The excitement of heading out into the ocean begins to overwhelm me. I need to get off the land. Leaving the dock in my boat feels like driving a car out of my country and into another place.
"Let's go guys, let's get on the boat," I say and then go into singing the lyrics to a song from Poison, "It ain't nothin' but a good time…"
I'm learning to ensure my boat is sea-worthy before I tow it from my house. I check the motor, check the lights, and make sure she's in good working order before I drop her in the water. Trust me; dropping your boat in the water isn't fun, only later to find out it won't start. When that happens a few times, one tends to ensure it will at least start. Then, you have to wait in the heat until someone comes to your rescue with a battery jumper and starts your boat so you can have some fun. Can you tell I've learned the hard way?
The boys jump out of the truck, and we walk to the docks. I jump in and then, one at a time, lower them into the boat. Almost there. We just have to put on their life vests, and we're off!
Dadadada, dadadadada, dadadaadada
The boat won't start.
Take 2, fast forward to now –
"Let's go guys, let's get on the boat,"I say and then go into singing the lyrics to a song from Poison, "It ain't nothin' but a good time…"The boys jump out of the truck, and we walk to the dock. I jump in and then, one at a time, lower them into the boat. Almost there. We just have to put on their life vests, and we're off!
Replay (Marina brought over a jump box to start the boat)-
The boat starts, and we are off! Time to enjoy a sun-filled Florida sand bar day. The water had a light chop at 1-2 feet. The sun was beating down on us, but the boat's speed created a nice breeze that was cooling us off, and once I got the Bimini top up, it provided good shade. It is such an excellent ride... (Boat stops)
"Nico! Never, Never touch the boat throttle!"
Okay, so the boat (in gear) is such a good ride. This is definitely a pleasure cruise to relieve the stress off my shoulders. The music on the boat stereo is playing, and I'm in my captain's seat, one foot on the center console, enjoying the ride as we all wave at the passing boats.
"Christopher! Umm, waving with one hand is great. One hand wave and the other hand with a finger up your nose, not good."
We made it! Our destination. It's a sand bar island right in the middle of the intercoastal. This is what I'm talking about. I remove the anchor from the boat and walk in calf-deep water as I push it down into the sand. The boys jump out of the boat from the bow and into the water. This is good, clean, fun living!
"Okay, boys, don't look at the topless girl over there. She's just a little, ummm, chocolate wasted" (thanks, Adam Sandler).
The water is warm, but not hot tub warm; it is just warm enough to tolerate and still cool enough to rejuvenate your body. It was a great time of snacks and drinks and saltwater fun. I guess this is the definition of all those "Salt Life" stickers I see on the cars on the highways and bi-ways around here. It's amazing how sometimes the current will usher in warmer water. It's a great combination of warm and cold...
"Oh, wait. Nico, Christopher. Which one of you is peeing in the ocean?"
But, like all fun things, it must come to an end.
"Thanks for the help, my friendly boat neighbors," I say to the person who docked beside me on the sand bar as he removes my anchor from the ground.
"No, please just place the anchor at the front of the bow. Once I leave this crowded area, I'll secure it."
With that, we were off. It's not a bad drive home in this beautiful weather with gorgeous scenery. Just a minor glitch at the start, but damn, did this turn out to be a great day. Honestly, one of those days you want to bottle up and keep it safe for.....
THUD. SPLASH. CLING. CLING. ZIP.
"Okay, guys, my bad. I should have put the anchor away. I knew one of you would throw it in the water. Especially while the boat was moving. It's alright. The day went great. It's just part of boating; it happens. I still love you..."(voice trails off as we fade off into the sunset).
I step outside in the early morning. My foot prints remaining in the morning dew. I take in the beauty of earth in its natural state just before the world comes rumbling through and right before the majestic sun rises from the east.
I love it out here, right now, because of the possibilities of what the world could be in the mind of a dreamer. I woke up, so I was blessed with a new day, so for now, I’m doing okay. The air is cool and as I breathe it in, it shocks my lungs and freezes my veins. My blood traveling though my body like a freight train of ice but it’s refreshing as it tantalizes my senses. I couldn’t feel more alive than I do right about now. I feel as refreshed as dry land being quenched with a rain shower from up above.
My brain is a blank canvass of new thoughts that hasn’t been tainted by the clutter of a busy day. I can see so clearly into the deep blue sky that slowly brightens as the sun takes its rightful place in the sky. The new horizon begins to unfold the pages that haven’t been written yet in the layers of my brain that wonder where my life will lead me today. My mind is sprouting new ideas under the beginning warmth of the suns early dawn as its rays nurture my thought process with fresh ideas and light to show me the way.
The orange fireball reaches above the earths imaginary line, the line that stretches beyond the reach of a humans line of sight and gives the world its endless horizon. I can't move one step from my trance as I am in aw of a world that has not yet defined the incoming day. In this moment I am hopeful for a good day and I am afraid to move one step in a direction that will ruin my simplicity. I want to stay a little longer and bask in the glow of the light that is invigorating my life.
I hear natures early callers from the wild that seems to be in sync with the rapidly ascending sun. The birds sing to a tune that can put a smile on your face. It's the sound that reminds you your alive. As one breed sings another goes into hiding so they can sleep until his nocturnal instincts tell him he has to get up. Mornings that start this way is a treat before your morning meal.
The sounds of life drift through the air as my ears capture the hymn that is almost gospel and it grabs my attention. Their tones ringing a tune that wraps into my inner being. I have to find the hope somewhere in those sounds to allow my guards to relax and let the healing warmth of the sun penetrate me so I can grow my inner self and sooth my weary soul.
The sunshine beats down on me gently passing through me and reaching to the land below as the soil is enriched and begins to grow beneath my feet. The buds sprouting life again, from the edge of the blades of cut grass by last weeks mow. It has sustain life from the nurturing of the suns light. We should take this cue from nature and grow each day we live to see a new day.
Your world doesn't have to evolve around the sun rising in the east and setting in the west. Just start each new day by looking at your life differently by watching the sun rise from either the north side or the south side of life, allowing the sun light to let you grow from a different perspective.
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