Nico and Christopher goofing around in the backyard at home. (April 1, 2018)
May 26, 2018
It seems as if building bridges is the one structure I need to continually construct while I raise my boys, to be men in life.
“Dad, I can’t do it,” I’m told by one of my boys.
“Yes, you can. Focus on the task. Zero in on the goal. And attack the problem until you get your desired results.”
The reason I compare raising my boys to building bridges is because I know I’ll always have to extend my hand as if it were a span extending from the mainland towards them as a pillar of strength, trust and understanding during their time in need.
Bridges with spans are huge and are built sturdy. When I think of bridges the Golden Gate Bridge, Brooklyn Bridge, or the Tower Bridge over the River Thames comes to mind. They have lasted decades and some lasted a century. The pillars and expansion of a bridge launch outward over some gorge, or river, and ocean as it expands outward until one end meets a truss arch that was prebuilt to give it a stable footing. Then, once it’s safely attached to the truss the next span can begin again. And so the process begins a new, until the next truss, and so on. My bridge can never stop reaching towards an end. Because my life spans decades and it’s fluid and dynamic. I need my bridge to last more then my lifetime. It must last my kids lifetime and then their kids, kids.
As their father I’m entrusted to insure that the bridge I’m continually constructing is held together with a sound foundation. I try to be as stable as I can but even as the architect of my boys’ early life, I’m susceptible to my insecurities and self doubt. I know how big of an impact I can have on Nico and Christopher. I don’t want to blow it. I’m not constructing a bridge over the River Kwai only to have Alec Guinness come blow it up!
These massive structures of a spanning bridge is held up by strong cables that expand in-between giant trusses and are held up by thick cables that add much needed stability. Intertwined in what seems to be a single thick metal strain. But actually upon closer inspection you’ll see hundreds of cable strains that are interlaced, which are forming a massive suspension line. Without due care the newly created expansion line will break. Inspections and maintenance are critical. That is why I always adjust where I’m failing them.
Those moments of inward self-reflection are important because I have to prepare for the times when I’m broken. I may doubt myself as a parent on how I approached their problems and I have to be prepared to rebuild my span when these questions of parenting arise.
Did I “lose it” and yell at
them because my patience ran out?
Did I ignore their
questions while responding to a text?
Did I ignore the bigger
picture and chalk up their failure as “just a child thing?”
How do I expand when it
comes to solving their temper tantrums, fears, fright, and despair?
Set backs in my family could cause fraying on the expansion cables which could cause
outer spans of trust to break thus, breaking our bonds that are held together
by trust or destroying the lessons that we have learned. Damn, parenting is hard.
If this fraying is still occurring after I adjusted my confidence building this could be an indication of a larger issue that looming and more than likely I'm failing to recognize it. Why do we overlook the things we think are trivial? Ignoring the little things could quickly become a huge structural headache and without care and nurturing this large bridge I’m constructing will collapse like London Bridge.
Having the mindset of raising my boys’ as an architect of a bridge will be a huge benefit in the long run, for us all. And I will know that this bridge is complete while I’m sitting back and watching their life prosper with the confidence that I have extended towards them. A bridge built on trust, listening and understanding. This will ensure that The Bridge of Life will last for generations.
If this fraying is still occurring after I adjusted my confidence building this could be an indication of a larger issue that looming and more than likely I'm failing to recognize it. Why do we overlook the things we think are trivial? Ignoring the little things could quickly become a huge structural headache and without care and nurturing this large bridge I’m constructing will collapse like London Bridge.
Having the mindset of raising my boys’ as an architect of a bridge will be a huge benefit in the long run, for us all. And I will know that this bridge is complete while I’m sitting back and watching their life prosper with the confidence that I have extended towards them. A bridge built on trust, listening and understanding. This will ensure that The Bridge of Life will last for generations.
Captain Imperfecto checking out the Bat Mobile from Bat Man 1989. Starring Michael Keaton at the SmithsonianAmerican History Museum. (May 13, 2018.)
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