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Left to right: Nico and Christopher checking out a Steam Engine at a train museum




December 16th, 2013  


Round and round life goes. I can just watch from the sidelines, or I can get involved. But participating can be hard when faced with an emotion I never had to worry about. For instance, I have never experienced these long bouts of sadness. I'm not built that way. I was wired to be fun and outgoing, but I can't find a way to tap back into that. 

I have struggled with this unhappiness since last year. I can pretend that I'm happy and slap a smile on my damn face to pretend that all is well in my life. But then I'm reduced to being like all the fake people on Facebook who like to brag about how great their life is. #blessed #lovemylife #happilymarried   

I'm pretty cynical now. However, I'm keeping my emotions real. 

I hate having a good week, followed by a few bad extra weeks. I could undo the previous year's rewiring and find my old self under this exterior. The wiring may have hardened. I don't want to be that person who can turn a good situation into a bad time. That is not my intention if my mood swings in another direction. And no, I'm not bipolar. 

I see promise in the path my life is taking so far. And I'm lucky to have found someone looking beyond who I have become today. She is seeing the man I am, inside and out. I think I'm becoming a lucky man. #Grateful 

I'm definitely a good guy. I love my boys, have a good job, have people supporting my writing efforts, and have someone I know I can depend on by my side. Now, I just need to get on board the wheel of life and allow it to travel the route god intended. The direction in which it rolls is less traveled, so I need to expect fresh bumps on the road. #Life 

When the ground becomes rough, I'll search for the smooth rails of a train, becoming the engineer of the large machine, and glide myself into the path of least resistance. When those train tracks end, I'll board the nearest plane, grab the controls of the beast, and pilot my way to higher altitudes as I cruise my happiness to my island of dreams. I will control the negativity and leave the pain and suffering behind. #planestrainsautomibiles 

Wow. I'm living in a perfect world of self-help. Of course, I chuckle to myself. Who would need Tony Robbins in this world if being happy were this easy? In all the thought processes I have spoken about in this blog, I just long to find myself. #lost 

I'm the happy-go-lucky guy who sees the glass half-full. I find enjoyment in a good movie. Who appreciates freshly popped popcorn? I can appreciate a good woman who provides comfort and understanding to my misgivings. I can see the beauty in nature and imagine what it's like to live on the green side of the earth.  I'm finally finding the wisdom in words from a good book. It is sad that it only took me 40 years to enjoy reading. #words 

While life turns and moves forward, I realize it will continue even after I die. So if it's turning while I'm alive, I should chase after the turning wheels and enjoy this thing because whether I decide to or not, the human spirit will move without you. 

I'm beginning anew, and I should be grateful that sometimes life gives you a second chance at happiness, self-worth, and pride. I don't need a self-help guru to remind me of that.






604 words

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