The Adventures of Captain Imperfecto

You are here: Home » Christmas, Eh Front: Captain Imperfecto Left rear: Nico and Christopher waiting for the football game December 23rd, 2013 I lost my enthusiasm for Christmas. It's been about five years, but the joy isn't there. I still love seeing the decorations my neighbors have placed outside their houses. I even participate in the activity so my kids will feel included. So much controversy at this time of year comes out on social media that seems to kill the illusion of a Norman Rockwell holiday. But I wonder if that is the real reason why I'm not that much into the holiday. The 80-degree weather here in Florida might bring me down. I know what some of my readers will say, "Try shoveling snow for ten hours just for it to snow again." But driving around in the heat all day makes me forget the time of year that it is. Only when the Christmas music plays will remind me that the holiday season is near. The music will serenade me, allowing me to ...

You are here: Home » Wisdom Left to right: Nico and Christopher checking out a Steam Engine at a train museum December 16th, 2013    Round and round life goes. I can just watch from the sidelines, or I can get involved. But participating can be hard when faced with an emotion I never had to worry about. For instance, I have never experienced these long bouts of sadness. I'm not built that way. I was wired to be fun and outgoing, but I can't find a way to tap back into that.  I have struggled with this unhappiness since last year. I can pretend that I'm happy and slap a smile on my damn face to pretend that all is well in my life. But then I'm reduced to being like all the fake people on Facebook who like to brag about how great their life is. #blessed #lovemylife #happilymarried    I'm pretty cynical now. However, I'm keeping my emotions real.  I hate having a good week, followed by a few bad extra weeks. I could undo the previ...

You are here: Home » Countdown Left to right: Christopher and Nico at the local park December 4th, 2013 School is a pleasant break for any parent. I’m no exception. It’s six hours of total bliss while my sons are in school. For the first three hours the pressure is off my back. And the feeling is amazing! I’m able to what I want in those three hours without any pressure. Home Depot. Check. Doctor. Check. Breakfast. Check. Running around the house, naked. Check. But the bliss is slowly squeezed out by the last three hours of time. I countdown those remaining minutes like a man about to be executed. I feel like Tom Hanks in Captain Phillips with this pressure. Not too much pressure, however. “Okay three hours until I pick my sons up. Maybe I should nap. I could sleep to restore my energy so I can take my boys to the park and we can run in the wide-open spaces. That sounds great! No wait. Thinking about open spaces the walls in the bedroom is so bare. I could paint the...

You are here: Home » The Empty Closet Left to right: Christopher and Nico clowning around November 20th, 2013 I was on my knees in my wife’s closet, staring at the mess that was laid before me. Clothes upon clothes were hanging on different varieties of hangers. I laughed when I thought about how this space is the United Nations of hangers. I was finally cleaning out Mimie’s closet after more than a year since her death. I found comfort in her clothes being stored in our bedroom while I was trying to accept the fact that she was gone forever. Maybe the clothes in the closet gave me hope that all this despair was a dream. Well, I have accepted the fact I have to clean the closest. I still don’t think I’ve embraced that she is gone. Even though no one had opened the closet door and gone inside for some time, the stale air didn’t taint her clothing. All the contents inside the room still smelled like her essence. Every breath of oxygen I inhaled from inside this dark cave...

You are here: Home » The Pumpkin Gourd Left to right: Nico Sugar, Christopher pumping carving October 21st, 2013 We carved the pumpkin for a Halloween fright, but little did we know that the jack-o-lantern would wake up in the wee hours of the night. It must have been the spookiness of the evening sky filled with dread and despair from all the trick-or-treaters lurking out in the night. They filled their bags with lots of yummy candy and shrieked with delight from all the scary getups they witnessed. Just outside my front door was a house light, that was lit. The light was a beacon, a signal to the freakish ghouls and happy children that candy was to be had. The kids would come up, knock on the door, ring the doorbell, and request a treat while showing their grotesque disguise. As I placed the candy in their bags, I'd look ever so closely and examine their costume to see if I knew who the little boy or girl was. But they were so well covered, and their attire was freakis...

You are here: Home » Top Guns Left to right: Christopher and Nico in an observation bubble at a science museum.  October 23rd, 2013 Like 2 fighter jets, my sons excel in their speed while intertwining themselves in their mad dash to nowhere: they’re ready for a  dogfight . I have no idea why they view all the flat areas we encounter on foot or when we get out of the car, like takeoff and landing strips. And boy, do I wish I had the  afterburners  to keep up with their  bat-turns  and not be such a  Gomer. I chase them down with all my might, exerting all the energy I have with one powerful  thrust ; however, it’s like they already planned their fighter pilot moves by zigzagging into 2 different directions, causing me to choose which path to take and which one of the  bogeys  I should keep in my sights. Since I lack an excellent  wingman  to help me on this mission, I’m on a sortie of my own. When did I become the...

You are here: Home » Finding Myself Left to right: Christopher, Captain Imperfecto and Nico Fantasyland Magic Kingdon October 12, 2013 I’m trying to gather myself together out of the pieces of me that have broken when my wife died. My rebuilding isn’t an easy process since the pieces of me are no longer shards but tiny mashed pieces that are entwined, with the loss of my twins. The crashing of these 2 worlds has created an even bigger mess of mass emotions that has brought my soul into torment. But I’m sorting it all out the best I can as I rebuild my life from those unspeakable losses of the past 6 years. I didn’t know what it took to make myself happy after all those failed years because it seems as if I blocked out the pain and became numb to the heartache and heartbreak. Hell, did I ever know what it took to be happy in my lifetime? Have I walked through my life being a miserable human being all this time? I say no. I have always showed happiness on the exterior. I g...

You are here: Home »Adversity Fron: Christopher rear: Nico goofing around October 2nd, 2013 Sometimes, you must push yourself forward when facing adversity threatening your way of life because time isn't fulfilling its job by healing everything. No one cares more than you when times are wrong because, deep down, friends, family, and people are just happy they aren't living in your situation. So, you better start pushing through your adversity. Why am I going through this? What the hell did I do to deserve this shit in my life. This isn't fair. I just want to be expected, not the strong one. Now, I'm not being pessimistic about the human spirit. People are at their best when disasters strike, like natural disasters or acts of violence threatening our way of life. In times such as those, you will find people who will go above and beyond in harsh conditions, utilizing their training and skills to help those who are unfortunately affected by such...