Skip to main content

Time



May 7th, 2012

Fuck me. I can't sleep. I have been up since 4:30 AM. Why am I typing this now. I don't know, frustrated I suppose. I have to be up soon and I just wish I could sleep another hour. It's so quite here. THe only sound is a ticking clock that I tired to use to count the minutes away. It just became more depressing then helping me sleep.

My only distraction is this urge to pee but I'm too lazy to get up so I just deal with the urge for now. The dawn will start to creep in my windows soon and I dread a new day. Nico and Christopher are sound asleep  beside me, It must be nice to sleep. I hope they are having wonderful dreams away from the nightmare of reality.

Nico is wrapped up in my right arm. I'm typing this with my left thumb. They're doing well oblivious to the reality of my concerns and fears. Probably the reason why I can't sleep right this second. Money is tight and child care search sucks. I question my ability to let them go and return to work. I miss them already thinking about not being a stay at home dad. But I know that's just not feasible. To think that I have to trust someone to help me raise them while I am away at work is nerve wracking. She will never be able to love them as much as I do or as much as my wife did. This nanny search blows.

There is so much to deal with I wish I could just get lost in time but time waits for no one and its hands press forward making me incapable of getting lost in its minutes and seconds. All I can do is count it down until I must face another day of uncertainty. I'm just rambling here.

My concerns weigh heavily on my mind. I need to organize myself. Get a plan going. Easier said then done. Bills need to be paid. Money conserved. Child care found. A modified work schedule established. Summer time is coming up. I need to call the bank. I have to complete an online course by today in order to continue teaching at the police academy. Can time slow down?

Well I'm not reading this nor checking for mistakes. It is what it is. I wanna try and at least rest for my last hour before I must get up. My time is running out.










Christopher Fusaro. The author of Captain Imperfecto.

© copyright 2012. All rights reserved.


Also see us at www.captainimperfecto.com

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Far Away"

You are here: Home » "Far Away" May 5th, 2012 For mommy in heaven… My kids wouldn't let me sleep last night. I kept them busy all afternoon and evening, yet they were still very hyper. I picked Nico up from school at 2:00 o'clock P.M. and decided to take them for a road trip to Broward County. It's a close drive from where we live. I am just one county over to the north. I didn't feel like going home and falling into the same routine. I wanted to stimulate the boys so that they would sleep later that night. Honestly, maybe we all could get some sleep that night. It's hard to get motivated in life when you are sleep-deprived. Nico leaves class about 10 minutes earlier than the rest of the school. Since he was a premature baby, he has had a learning delay with speech. The State of Florida placed him in a program called Early Steps. It's a great program, and it allows him to catch up to the rest of his peers academically so that by the time h...
19 comments
`D

Hi Mama. Bye Mama

You are here: Home » Hi Mama. Bye Mama. June 26, 2012 Hi mama. Bye, mama. And so it goes. Up the street, hi, mama, down the street, bye, mama. The boys know where they can find mommy. It's just down the road, a path we take every day. Everywhere we go. We go with the flow. Hi mama. Bye, mama. It always starts the same, the familiar path of the road the boys have become accustomed to. It doesn't matter what we do; we will always pass right on through; regardless of how we travel, mom will always be on their left or their right. She's never too far out of sight. Hi mama. Bye, mama. The boys anticipate the car ride. They look on either side as we drive by, seeking a clear view of their mama to be seen through. They eagerly await with no other thought on their plate. They are just waiting for the moment to see their number one visually. Hi mama. Bye, mama We are getting closer now; they look at Dad, their pal. Their smiles reach from ear to ear, knowing the time is near...
17 comments
`D

Anatomy of a Loss

You are here: Home » Anatomy of a Loss July 5, 2012 When you lose someone that you love and that you depend on, it feels like everything around you has just crashed and burned. It doesn't matter what is happening in the world because yours just got charred beyond recognition. You are forced to reprogram everything about you. Who you are. What your path in life was. The goals you had planned. Everything before the death of a loved one is scraped.  Your mind wanders about aimlessness, and you just go over your mind time and time again about how you will be able to do it. Where do you go from here? You are afraid and bewildered because you are unsure what to do and who to turn to. You find that you question God and yourself and examine everything about your life.  The doubts set in about yourself, and you want to return to the day before so badly just to reassure yourself that everything ...
11 comments
`D