March 27,2012
I was the one prepared to die. Yes, sounds morbid to say. Who the hell is ready to die? Being a police officer, you inherit extra risk than normal society other than the morning commute to work. My biggest fear wasn't death in general. It was the idea that my kids wouldn't be able to have my guidance during their childhood.
I always said, "I'll miss my kids more when I am gone than they will miss me." They are an inspiration to me. Nico and Christopher make me want to work better at life, and like most parents I would travel to the end of the earth for them.
One day, on patrol, we saw a burglary in progress. An unknown man entered a home to make his way with the unoccupied house, but he did not know the neighbors had spotted him, so they called the police.
We arrived and surrounded the house. It was close to 6 o'clock in the evening, and the homeowner arrived. They told us that no one should be home and that we could go inside and check to ensure nobody was there.
Usually, in this situation, we would call a canine to come search the house, but there was not one available. It's not the first time this has happened, and it won't be the last time, either. I and two other officers entered the house and started to search for a suspect. There was no one there. I decided we needed to check the attic in case he sought refuge there. I walked in the closest to the entry and realized I would need to call the fire department to use their ladder. Once they arrived, I placed the ladder up to the opening and looked for volunteers to look inside; everyone was hesitant.
With the pause from everyone else, I grabbed the ballistic shield and walked up the ladder the best I could, holding my gun in my left hand and the shield in my right. When I got to the opening, I realized the shield wouldn't fit, so I slid it down the ladder's rails and crawled inside. I found the burglar there hidden well. We were close quarters, and if he had a gun, I probably would have been killed.
After that incident, I decided to record my voice while patrolling the streets with a small digital tape recorder. I would tell my sons about life, dreams, and goals I would like for their future. I wanted to say to them they had to love each other above all else because that's all they have for each other if their mother or I should both die.
I never dreamt it would be me to survive, and I would be the one burying my wife.
I told Mimie once, "You'll live well into your 80's. I'm a cop. We take years off our life."
How hollow that statement feels now. Now, it is up to me to keep Mimie's memory intact through pictures and videos of her for my kids' future and their kids' future. They will never forget their mom because I will not let them forget their mom. And if anything should happen to me, they will have the recordings to understand how their mom and I lived.
551 words
Christopher Fusaro is the author of Captain Imperfecto.
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