Christopher (left) Champ and Nico. Celebrating C's 7th birthday.
September 14, 2016
Negotiating with my sons’ is something I vowed not to do. I am their father they shall do as I say. That’s a bible verse I think? That kind of thinking is always great in jest but at times the reality of the satiation may dictate that I directly negotiate with them in order to come up with a good compromise.
I know what you’re thinking. “No good parent should
negotiate with their kids.” I promise you if you don’t judge me I won’t judge
you for not admitting to other parents that there was a time you negotiated
with your kids in order to have a little peace. Or negotiated so you could
finish your favorite television show. Maybe you just negotiated to get them off
the floor of some unknown department store where the little guy or girl is
causing a ruckus. So you do everything
in your power to be nice and negotiate with the little tyke because you don’t
want to be seen yoking your kid off the ground!
“Son, listen to me we have to go passed the ice cream shop.
Get off the ground and I’ll get ice cream. You like ice cream,” I said gritting
my teeth so hard I’m surprised they didn’t break.
“Nope, dad. I hate ice cream.” Waa waa waa waa waa
Ignore the crying, Chris. Ignore the people looking at you
just directly look at that beautiful child of yours on the ground. Make him
sweat. Get back into the negotiation.
“Ok, get off the ground and we will stop off a McDonalds. No
Happy Meal. Shakes only.”
“Nope it’s still ice cream.” Waaa waa waa waa
“Technically it’s a beverage not a ice cream,” I said.
He paused his crying for a moment. The word beverage threw
him out of his negotiation process.
“Do you need to ask someone what beverage means or do you
trust me to tell you?”
“I trust you, daddy.”
“It’s a drink not really ice cream. Maybe a thick drink made
of ice cream.”
“It’s still ice cream, dad!” waa waa waa
Well the negotiations aren’t working so I will try they old,
“I’m leaving now. Go ahead and roll around there all you want I’ll come back
and get you later.”
This should work. Good old reverse psychology. I walked
around the corner and stopped suddenly. I peered behind me hoping the sight of
me disappearing from his sight would thrust him into action and he would sprint
horridly towards me.
The little guy didn’t budge.
I’ll wait him out – I thought to myself. I raised arm up to
look at my watch and counted the time away. “30 seconds,” now that ought to do
it!”
I looked over and he was gone. He wasn’t running towards me.
He wasn’t calling my name. There was no frantic searching going on for me thus
I began my frantic search for him.
I looked around the general area. I finally laid eyes upon
him standing by the ice cream store pointing at flavors deciding what he
wanted.
“None of those negotiation tactics worked huh?”
“The negotiations were okay, “ he said slowly enunciating
the words. “But during negotiation you
have to make them sweat dad. Let’s have some ice cream and have a truce.”
It’s not ideal to negotiate with kids. The boys’ must do
what I say. I think that’s in the bible. And if it isn’t I’m sure I can negotiate
some sort of compromise before Armageddon happens.
The boys and I taking some photos on C's 7th birthday morning,
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