Running on Empty
*The first sentence has a curse word only.
October 19th, 2012
Why is empty such a shitty
thing? Like a tank of gas that displays on the gauge as running on empty, being
on empty can get your anxiety going. It never lets you relax. You have one eye
on the fuel gauge and another eye on the lookout for a gas station or the
nearest highway exit. No doubt about it being empty sucks.
Empty. Like that glass of wine or your
favorite drink dwindling down to the bottom. You savor that last little bit at
the bottom of your glass, afraid to take that last sip. Your eyes gaze around
on the hunt for your waiter to bring you a refill before you consume the rest.
Barren. Like a desert, as you search for water to quench your thirst. Your body is so depleted of nutrients that you don't
even sweat. The sand is so hot that even its particles dust up and burn your
skin. Your tongue is swollen and dry as you hunger for the taste of wetness to
touch your lips. The desire to fulfill your aching body forces you to continue
toward the mirage even though you know that salvation is not there.
Destitute. The lack of substance allows your
mind to play tricks on you, forcing you into oblivion. Your body begins to give
up on you because your muscles are shriveling. The cramping is taking over, and
it's preventing you from moving. Your oxygen is failing you because you are
running on empty.
Void. The void begins to implant itself
further within you, and you can feel the beginning stages of something missing
in your life. There is nothing to fill the space with, so it will remain empty.
You can pretend to fill it with whatever you find, but it won't work. The void
is too far and wide, and nothing will bring it together.
Lacking. The will to pursue things that will
help change your plight. The emptiness you feel consumes everything that would
motivate you to change. The draining of your emotions reveals the loss of
support that broke down over time. The bare structure is naked, revealing kinks
in the pillars that hold you up emotionally. No wonder you're lacking the
motivation to stand on your feet.
Exhausting. You try to right yourself, but
your eyes close when you finally have the time to do it. Your eyelids are
heavy, too heavy. You can't blink fast enough, hoping the fluttering will keep
you afloat. Your mind is sitting on empty, and there is nothing that you can do
to prevent the sleep from creeping in. Sealing your fate of sleep rather than
productivity.
Deflated. When you think you have made
progress with your life, only to realize that the gains were simply an
aberration. All the build-up leaks out of your body when one simple act or
thought takes control of your emotions. Try as you might to avoid ending up
empty, but it never works out that way. Defeated and depleted of oxygen, you
can only lie where you fall and reminisce about the person you once were.
I am a human being. I am filled with all the emotions that a person can possibly have. I shouldn't have to stress about the emptiness that consumes me because I can fill it with peace and love. My soul may be barren, but I can find warmth to grow whatever lies beneath the soil, so I will no longer feel destitute but lucky to find life again. I will let my life grow into the voids of emptiness so that I may pursue and conquer the things I lack.
It may be exhausting, but I will embrace the rest I achieve through
heavy eyes and use it to my advantage. With my newfound rest, I will re-inflate
what has deflated once it's fixed and come back stronger than before, ignoring
that I once ran on empty. Still, now I am returning stronger and more
fulfilled. It gets old running on empty all the time.
https://twitter.com/FusaCmee
675 words
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